Bloggy

Hey

I had schizophrenia; it’s schizoeffective disorder.

There w voices in my head.

I asked them to please go away.

I had already started taking more medication; bc, I had had this experience, that I now dk whether w real or not. I felt like I c cope, so I went back to the level of medication that I w on before.

The amazing thing w that these voices did actually listen to what I asked them, and did go away.

This is, was, like the coolest thing ever.

I realised that Ima little bit stressed out so working on the business, w be like something that Ima have to leave for a few days; frustrating.

I’m so close. This is like urghh.

I realise that, when I work on the business and get too stressed out; what happens is is that this gives people power over me. They, are able to like Idk dehumanise me or something.

I feel people here love to like treat people like they are less worthy than them. I feel that someone w push me down, and then everyone w like look at me like I’m worthless or something.

I feel that it’s something that people do here w|o even k ing it.

I feel that this is bad for my confidence; and it is confidence rn that is what I need the most, so combat my anxiety w is a majoy component of my illness.

That is the culture here. I feel that people are like jostling for confidence. And again, that I get pushed down.

At least I used to get pushed down. Now like I hold my value, and I have been good for a while. I kinda just think people wac that they think that they are better than me, and this holds me up now.

This whole thing happened, and it w totally Wednesday Adams; and like Idek whether it w real or not. Yk this is life, it’s pretty wac sometimes.

I have to now ring someone up and say to them that Idk whether w I said w real or not. There’s also another person that I need to talk to and tell them that what I said to them I may have been w about.

It is what it is.

This bothers me. I don’t like to be saying things that Idk about the accuracy of them. I’m not okay w this.

It felt so good to be on less. I c feel my feelings more, maybe fully. It’s hard; to have to feel less, slighly less.

Ik that before when I took less, w happened w that I felt things that w not real, I think; and then they stopped some time later.

Ik or feel that I c do this again, I c; absolutely just keep on what I w on, and just wait for the sh to subside, yk.

It’s a bad time tho, as I just want the business to get up. I’m so close I just need to run that offer. This authentically is w matters to me rn, oh like F’ery McCuckery, does it.

I just have priorities. Proving that Ima be on less, be wac, feel sh that isn’t happening, handle the stress, and just get through it; w just have to wait tho Ima do it, the challenge is something that I feel I w win at hands down, and I w love to just have that win, to k that I’ve done it.

I love doing things that are challenging, it gives me a feeling of self esteem, it’s kinda addictive rly.

So; that’s w going on w me rn, just another normal day.

Thanks for readiing

Kirsty