Hey

I have to tone down my blog. To be judging people like that it just isn’t me; anymore.

What happened w I tried therapy. I tried feeling everything I w feeling. It w all feelings of judgement at the people who I feel hurt me.

It drove me crazy. I started saying stuff to them in an attempt to try to make them stop, I it failed. I got angry, a little; not much anger rly in the context of the four years I’ve been dealing w persecution.

I woke up one morning and said to myself, this isn’t me. It’s making me judge people. I suppose I realised that if I carried on in that vain on that train, I w lose the peace inside that I value so highly.

When I stopped judging the persecution calmed down as well. Yes I still got triggered and yes I feel like I’m being singled out, tho the pain from the trigger when I dealt w this w less.

I guess I forgive peoples’ behaviour. It doesn’t bother me. Idk how I do this tho I do.

It felt good; to get triggered and to not hold anything against anyone for it. I think it’s the first time I have rly felt this way, there w something special about it, pure.

I think I’ve been drinking too much coffee; I keep feeling like Ima die. Ik that the persecution doesn’t help, as I feel gaslit for being super sane. It makes me feel bat sh crazy when I should be able to rly have the right to feel like I am the one who feels all my feelings; sane just sane. I don’t have the right to feel that way bc of the gaslighting, w yea, drives me bat sh crazy.

I feel like I am the one who is crazy, and it’s hard, I feel the gaslighting is adding a lot of stress. everyone is offering me therapy like I am the problem, like I’m sick; sick for being sane and feeling happy; it’s no bueno.

I want to move to a village, where the people are less evil. I feel that cities tend to be kinda nasty, and this is w is causing it.

I c move to London tho then there w be all this pier pressure to be greedy, w I don’t want.

I want to feel sane. I feel as I am sane I have the right to feel sane, that is all’s I”m asking for. Ik people w always gaslight, especially the older generations, I just want to feel less bat sh crazy, yk.

Anyways, the choice is to not judge. Tbh judging didn’t get me anywhere anyway. I w speak out and people w still do it. It makes no difference, unless there is force to change peoples’ behaviour w I w not do.

So I’ve pretty much rejected therapy

To Being Sane

Kirsty