Hey

So I feel that I’m in reality now;I feel good.

This is bc of this latest step of not getting angry w people I feel are trying to rip me up; saying let G judge them if they are judging me.

This means that I am not judging them. I feel that judgement is the thief of reality and happiness. I feel that people who judge are mad and that is why I am happy.

The madness is the judging.

I love J’s commandments so much.

I also have realised that I deserve better. I feel that it’s a controlling situation at work, and I rly need out.

It’s just hard for me to accept that I k better than someone, being devalued my whole life like I c never k better than anyone.

Tho it w unmistakeable. The way she said it to me, that it w a sh situation, I c not or no longer deny that I w right about this.

A light bulb went off in my head and I felt how right I am; how wrong they are.

I finally feel sane. I feel that is why I feel happy; I have my feelings back.

This is hard for me; I have lost everything. I just need to survive out of this period of having nobody to fw; and then I w soar.

I feel that all this w an attempt to destroy me, Ima be real about it. It feels horrid.

To feel that the world is w trying to destroy me for simply becoming a better person, this is hard to deal w.

I lost everything; all my friends, my job and my family. Tho nothing is worth keeping if it lowered my self esteem and made me feel worthless.

Self esteem is happiness, w|o it Ima never feel happy. Ima not go for the rest of my life and never feel happiness.

I’m hearing all around me to just sleep w somone, tho Ik that that w be death. Ik how abusive people operate.

They trap the person in a situation they can’t get out of; trap them in a snare of feeling worthless.

All around me I am hearing just f someone. Tho Ik that this w be the worst thing for me ever. People saying whoosh.

This has been hard to deal w all around me the whole time.

I Felt like they were devaluing me and being rapey, trying to force me to f someone. It hurt like f.

I suppose it’s bc all the pain is gone; the feeling that people are trying to f damage me with bullying.

G it hurt so bad. I see how people end their own lives.

To be in this situation where I have no social connection, bc of being sane is just topsy turvy.

It felt like the whole town is like this, maybe it is, tho I must get a job somewhere else just to find out if this is true.

This is an exciting time for me, just feeling that a job, any job w show me how nasty my boss w.

Bc I w be treated w respect, and my whole reality w be complete and I’ll k.

It’s hard to feel that anyone in this town is a good person as I felt like I w being bullied on the bus.

I must let these feelings subside. I must let the reality in that they may be good people.

G I hope this town is okay, that people here are sane, I have to live here and need to be treated w respect or feel like sh about myself.

To Being Treated W Respect And K Ing I Deserve That

Kirsty