Hey

I am pi off.

I had the girl from my housing association come round for a flat inspection. She said that I have to have some help bc she feels that I’m struggling.

I have my washing machine in bits and I just want to be given the time to put it back together. She wants me to get help tho.

I’m also having problems w my affiliate network. Ima have a bash at sorting it out today; much later on.

I went to the bike shop to have my tire changed. It’s now done; so I have transport; tho I like to walk bc it is rly good excercise.

This is going to save me like one hundo a month tho.

Ik it’s hard when people manipulate me; tho Ik that it can be for the best.

When I w taking less medication my psychiatrist manipulated me to take more. I stood up to him.

I ended up having a relapse.

So I have to accept it when people make me so stuff I don’t want to do.

There were other factors around my relapse tho. I felt so unsafe around my boss and the people at work that I w just done w it; w meant I had no one to go to when homeless people moved into the building, squatting.

Then I saw a horrific car accident.

I kept feeling like Ima die. I then started eating meat; I w previously vegan. I am open to that it might have been being vegan that w causing it; tho it c have been the fact that I w vaping; I have recently cut down.

I thought about J’s commandments and how they seem to be full of contradictions. I felt like they were just restricting me too much on what I c do.

I then thought tho on whether I w like to judge people like I used to. I c cope w not being able to call people out for being racist.

I’ve been seeing it a lot and w never want to be one of those people. I guess I c never go back; to how I w.

I am much happier now as well. I feel my feelings, all of them.

Having practised G’s commandments for like four years now, the thing is is that I see the benefit. It far outweighs any feeling of feeling trapped in the things Ima do.

I also feel younger and look younger. I feel I am getting called gorgeous all the time, w is something not to be taken lightly.

It rly has been my goal all the time to be a person who aged rly well. I feel that it is G’s commandments who help me do this.

Yes, I had a massive relapse, tho I honestly think that the sins of that lie on other people.

It’s scary. It’s scary that everyone is evil, and that they can rly hurt me out of just jealousy for the life that is in me, and being hateful towards me over it. Just people who can’t admit they are wrong, and do me immense damage bc of pride.

That is what scares me, the danger I am in bc of the evil of people; now that I am more rightous and there is such a difference between us.

It’s frightening being scared of w people might do just out of shame.

And This Is Where I Am At In My Life Rn

Kirsty