Hey

I’m stressed; about the business. I’m trying not to be stressed about the business.

I’ve found it hard to not worry about it; it just felt like if I worried I w feel better; tho tonight I managed to just think of all the things I need to be aware of, and then let it go.

Idk if this is J’s commandments. I seem to be able to keep a pretty clear head, at least rn.

I may have to get an iPhone 16 Pro Max and use screen mirroring w my tv to be able to work the software.

I need two devices to be able to do this. Out of humility Ima just go ahead and get one.

I just want the business so bad. It’s like when they’re on X Factor and they are saying that you need to want it bad.

I guess I want it bad enough to do just about anything to make it happen.

Then there’s the people in my life that I don’t have lifting me up.

Why is it so hard to find people who lift me up. I feel so under threat of anyone I c possibly meet just draining the f out of me and making me feel like sh.

I put it down to this town. I feel that it is a very negative place and there’s basically no one to fw.

Tho on the upside I have me, and I am a super positive person and I am lifting myself up all the time.

I dislike this place and want to move.

I put it down to J’s commandments why I am able to keep calm w all the sh going on w the business.

J’s commandments have done me such a solid and I w be where I am w~o them. In fact I w be nowhere

Everything I have I owe to them, tho the loneliness is killing me. That’s why I dislike this town so much, bc there’s just no chance of meeting anyone who doesn’t talk to me like I’m less worthy than them; and making me feel sh about myself and depressed, unhappy.

I’ve started eating meat as well. I just got to the point where I couldn’t stomach the vegan sandwich stuff anymore.

I w leaving stuff in the fridge uneaten. And I feel had I continued I w have had my appetite suffer; and rn is the last time in my life I w w to not be able to eat.

I feel like Ima just end up getting the hell out of this town. Like I can’t find a single person to treat me w respect and support my business and self esteem, so Ima just get the hell out; and then rly understand how negative and devaluing they are from afar, rly be able to hold space for it bc of being away, the f away from it.

I must continue w J’s commandments. They are the only way to win at this, and stay the hell away from toxic people. I must be stronger than ever.

I’m trying to find voluntary work tho I just, again, don’t see any nice people anywhere, and don’t fancy my chances. Ima be real w you, I’m scared of never connecting w anyone bc they are all devaluing people.

To Having Standards

Kirsty