Hey

I have a two day break before ending up back on the business; I never work over the sabbath; that includes Saturday and Sunday.

W is good bc it w rly stressing me out; and I need a break from the pain I w feeling.

I think that everyone needs stress in their life; and avoiding it is a sure fire way to mental ill health.

Like people get into relationships and do nothing but antagonise each other, and this is highly good for them.

I love the business and wouldn’t change a thing. Yes it rly does wind me up and I nearly cried a couple time over my affiliate network.

I want to walk everywhere tho I have hurt my legs, walking too fast. I need to take a break so probably w ride my scooter now.

In Other News

I tried to stand up to people. It all started w this N’a guy who I felt w racist. I just used my body language to not let him take advantage of me.

Then I w on the bus, and I w getting angry at people. People kept staring at me. I felt so uncomfortable, I literally moved seat so that I c hide behind somone.

Then I w in the mall and I held space that I w standing up to everyone. I felt this pressure in my head. I have felt it before, like about ten years ago.

I remember. I w walking. By the time I made it the three miles to where I w going I felt like the ugliest person alive.

Ik that if I felt this pressure in my head then that is how I w end up feeling. I w feel super ugly w no way to ever feel attractive again; so I stopped.

This is hard bc it means that people can literally take advantage of me, like stare at me on the bus, be racist w me, whatever, and there is nothing that Ima do about it.

It hurts to k that people can just get away w it.

I have lots of work to do w the business. I need to find out if I can’t still apply for offers when I need to fill out my payment details.

I have lots of questions lined up that I need to ask them. It is super good that they have told me that any questions I have don’t hesitate to ask; so I w.

I have taken a Nicotinic Acid, and the back of my neck is on fire rn. It’s going down my back and up my head. It rly hurts.

I must take it tho bc it cleans out my arteries.

My new iPhone arrives today. I have been worrying about spending the money.

I needed a tool for the business, for a while. I can’t operate business websites w~o it. It w do the job as Ima use the Zoomable browser app; and use a magnifying glass to see the screen; old school.

I lost my old phone when I had my relapse, and f up claiming on the insurance.

I didn’t actually want such a good phone tho like I say I needed one that never crashes when I am on websites, and I just wanted to go big like I usually do when I rly need to spend money on something.

I w pop to the supermarket on my scooter; depending on whether the phone is due to arrive, and get some shopping and hopefully not spend too much.

Also the who jackets that I want to buy, it looks like they are selling out so that I w be able to buy them super cheap.

I love the thought that I w look super nice, it makes me happy, I care about my appearance a lot. I get a lot of pleasure out of looking good, and it helps me manifest the money I want through embodying the look of someone who has it.

I feel no shame w dressing this way. Most people in this town w deliberately dress like they are poor. I like this. Tho it is not for me, it is not my way. I am authentic and w stand out, being who I rly am, and like I say, I identify as someone who has money.

It gives me great pleasure to look different, like people looking at me thinking look at that person. Yes it means that I get stared at w I find truly upsetting tho it is part of who I am and I love it rly.

The only question is what do I do when I have the money, where do I live. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.

To Caring About My Appearance

Kirsty