I’ve been having a lot of freaky feelings. I think it’s left over from my relapse. A lot of disturbing stuff happened, thoughts I thought, delusions I had.
Well I’ve got two things Ima do a week, board games and crafting.
It seemed so easy, to just go to a community centre. I wasn’t very securely attached so Idek that they helped lonely people, as sad as that sounds.
I felt so worthless that I didn’t feel that I deserved any help; and I thought people wouldn’t help me.
Now I’m in my feelings a bit more and it makes total sense, like that is literally why they exist in the first place.
W means that it’s gonna be a great place to meet people and I c make some new friends.
I kinda feel like the way I had it w the right way for it to be; like fw people at work and then just having my downtime alone. Seemed to work super well.
Tho on the other hand it hurt super bad that people didn’t wanna fw me outside of work.
I wanna be respected and not just wanted for sex; like the person doesn’t even like me just wants my body; that rly doesn’t seem right at all.
It feels like should I go w that person, then I w just be traumatized by being that close or intimate w them; as it w come through all the disdain they feel for me during all that touching.
I feel I w wind up feeling the most worthless human being ever and be rl psychologically damaged by it, my ability to function and memory being damaged. Back to feeling, well, not being able to feel my feelings and feeling dead inside; not on your life am I going through that.
The male way of saying that w be to tell whores to f off; yk when that woman won’t leave you alone and she’s a rl dodgy bitch.
It’s like Selena Gomez says, never sleep w anyone crazier than you.
Idk what else to say; just like a million fires to put out w the business. I’ve now got to get my passport; so that year on f year I don’t have to apply for another f license.
I don’t k which idiot in the government decided that medical licenses w be one year only and that after that they w no longer be valid for ID; total stupidity if you ask me. One thing that rl creeps me out is people clinging to dogma and doing stupid stuff bc of it. Everyone is a sheep who can’t think for themself, and are literally hurting people by being such an oaf.
Well that’s the government dealt with, let’s move on. Never cease to amaze me how stupid intelligent people are.
Yea so there’s extra sh that I got to do w the business, right in the middle of doing my taxes and some other things.
This is business. It’s just only doing the things that matter. It’s definitely not going down rabbit holes.
I w have gone down a rabbit hole of how Ima deal w my offer not being accepted. Like how do I change the website to make sure that they do; could have gone on for days.
Instead I just barred myself for one whole day from working on it until I had calmed down. Then I said to myself that Ima do one thing a day and that’s all on the business. That way I w avoid any rabbit holes.
Also millions of other business models are vying for my attention, like they w get me there any quicker when they well wouldn’t.
I got told to stay in my lane to the end. Keep at it until it finally works; never, ever change lanes to something else; it means death, death for the business and no money for me for a long time; rly until I settle down and get back on the offer I chose to overlook for something that caused a million times more fires to put out.
Every business model is gonna be hell on wheels right out the get; that’s why they call them get rich schemes.
I’ve settled down to this crazy fluffy little pillow; like taming a wild lion and sleeping on it’s f chest; there’s no way Ima dump it and take on another lion, ya feel me.
A Good Note To End On
Kirsty
Miss K 