Hey

I have been trying not to worry.  I think it’s the schizophrenia; there’s all these  bad thoughts in my head.  W the loneliness all the thoughts come out to play

The good thing is that when I don’t think them Ima feel my feelings, all of them; it feels rly good.

It used to be that when I w isolated I turned on everyone; I felt that everyone w so nasty and narcissistic.  Now it seems that I turn on myself and feel myself to be the horrible one.

I suppose being around people w cure this.  I am going to the board games club at the library today.  That should help these thoughts.  I want to keep them away, w is a challenge.

I have been using my new mouse w the phone; it works rly well.  I have found that my phone has been crashing when I use my finger tho when I use the mouse it seems not to, w is good.

I have been using it like a desktop, w is kinda possible w the ordinary browser, especially w the Zoomable browser.

It seems the iPhone has been becoming more and more of a desktop over the years.

I w disappointed to find out that the only way to use a mouse w through turning on assisted touch.  I felt that the iPhone should be able to be used as a desktop; and this should have been going on for years.

I suppose the iPhone has more evolved into being a desktop than the leader of apple creating it more as one, a specific laptop in your hand device.

iPhone products used to be created to fill an exact need, now they just kinda transmogrify into whatever they are best used for.

This I miss about apple.  I liked that they w create special products to fill specific need in the market, needs of the customer; like it w be neat to have a MoviePad, w super good speakers in it.  It w also be good for asmr.  I rly wish I were in charge of Apple sometimes.

I’m not that much of a boffin anymore tho; I w need my Woz, the man at apple that w do all the technical stuff.

I am now doing my taxes, as of this morning.  It takes priority over everything else.  The first thing I w do is find out if I need to be doing them in the first place, before the deadline.  I got paid right on the threshold between the 2023/2024 and 2024/2025 tax years.

I then have ten working days to do all my taxes, w is a little close.

Then I w be able to work on the business and getting my landing page up and running and ask to be approved for the offer; then run ads to my link.

It’s an exciting time as I feel I w get a lot of self esteem from getting some money from the business.  I hope that this allows me to feel my feelings more, and that it should also bring friends into my life.

I w feel more confident talking to people when I have an income.  I feel people in this town are very quick to look down on people.

My friend who recently passed away told me that it doesn’t rly matter about social levels when finding friends.  I have been struggling to feel that way tho, tho I do have a friend w a high social level, and she in no way looks down on me.

I need more people like this in my life.

Yes my friend died.  It is super sad as she w so lovely, and a rl friend to me.  I w miss her and her righteousness.

One thing she told me stuck w me and I must hold onto it.  She said that doesn’t it make a difference where you live.

I aim to take her up on that and move somewhere where my self esteem rises super high; I just don’t k where yet tho.

I must also hold as the truth that friends don’t matter whether I have a lower social level than them, that they don’t care and w love me just as much.  These are two things of her that I have left.  I feel sad rn.

I just want to live a good life, something that she embodied.  Get a trade and just make a good living and live; and get to a ripe old age, always being respectful to people.

I rly do feel that this matters.  I deem this to be the only and sole reason that I am attractive in that this is down to the way I treat people.  It is something that I want to keep.

Idc what people think, my looks matter to me.  If all women were honest, all the ones that wear makeup w say the same.  I am proud of wanting to look attractive.  I am proud that I do it through always being respectful to people.  I am proud that Ik that this rly does make a person beautiful.

I have tried and tested it and it is correct.

To Beauty

Kirsty