Hey

I went to the crafting.  I actually spoke to a human being like for two hours straight.  It w nice; and when I got home I felt good.  I still feel good now tbh.

Today I w go to the Tai Chi.

I also had my dentist appointment with Christian yesterday; w w super nice, he is dope.

I w thinking about grounding techniques; and sex.  Like they rly are the same thing.  When you are f someone you are rly in your feelings.

I have to do grounding techniques when I wake up.  A always wake up feeling like I do not deserve to be alive, and worrying about it; so I do grounding techniques to bring me back into my feelings.

I believe this is bc I w smothered as a baby.  I can’t talk about it it’s too painful.  I despise my mom.

I have to get the website up and running, w means putting compliments to the brand on it.  I already have the main image done, w I created with AI.

Omg it so fills me w delight just the thought of getting the landing page done. 

I have also found another offer that should make lots of money; this makes about ten possibly profitable offers I have now.

The search volume is so high that it could mean a lot of money.

Like ten thousand w mean like four figures a month easy so over one million means like six figures a month, w is absolutely crazy.

I still don’t k whether I want to live in this town.  When I w at the dentists this woman kept throwing her hand to her head w they tend to do when they have very little self esteem and I am triggering their narcissistic injury.

This triggers me and I had to just sit there and let her drive me into a trigger.  I’m sick of this sh, and just want to move to London bc no one does it there.  Generally their self esteem is not low enough for them to act that way.

This is a truly horrible place.  It hurts me inside to think that I have to live here and put up with people doing that to me every single day.  It’s literally hell.  That’s why many surveys say that this place is the worst to live in the entire country, narcissists rly do rule here, I feel.

I should be much healthier w lots of clubs to go to.  I have done it now.  Yes it w hard, tho it w totally worth it.

I w soon have enough money to get the f out.

It’s hard to think of moving out of my home town; especially that they don’t deserve me.  Like it’s a total mash.  Idk what f my head up more, that I get triggered every single day by people w low self esteem as narcissism is the law here, I feel, or that I am moving out and have to validate that this place rly is that poor of an environment.

Like f get this, I’m literally having to move out of my home town bc people are triggering me with abrupt body movements, throwing their hand to their head out of low self esteem.  Everyone does it.

They have no sense that abrupt body movements are not okay.  They just keep doing it again and again and again until I rip.  I have to sit next to them the whole time until I’m gone and I can’t say anything.

That is why I want to get the f out

Again, how the hell am I losing my home town.  This is my f home; and I have to move out.

I have lost my family and my job.  I have lost everything.

I feel that my job went for the same reasons that I am losing this town, narcissism; attempts to devalue the f out of me and rage at me saying one sentence on how I feel.

It w so unhealthy my mind boggles as to how it happened.  Like it’s healthy to say how you feel and yet I got fired bc it caused so much anger that I had to leave out of fear of being attacked, I feel.

My boss w in a rage for like three or four days over me just saying one sentence on how I felt, I feel like you are demanding that I have sex w one of the team, it doesn’t matter who.

The fact that there w so much anger over this proves to me that my words were indeed correct.  That’s gaslighting and narcissistic injury.  Why such a potentially violent reaction to denying my experience; ask yourself that one.  Unsafe at work much, I feel.

I’m sick of the narcissism and gaslighting.  It’s taking all of my strength to not feel completely worthless; and I have to put in mental effort every second of every day to tell myself that I have value bc of the culture of narcissism here.

Like I say it’s hell; it’s affecting my health.

I have also to say to myself that I move out of this sh hole of a town and I w be mentally healthy the second I sit on my bed and just take stock of that it’s over, I feel.

I long for the peace that that w bring; and people who Ima fw, safe people who w not try to devalue me.

Like Imagine not being able to fw anyone bc they are all devaluing people and it doesn’t matter who to fw, every single one of them is like it.

Like the search for someone to fw is too hard, nigh on impossible.

To Validating That I Deserve Better Than To Be Treated Like Sh

Kirsty