Hey

I have a nice cup of Colombian; I am trying to start my morning right.

All these thoughts in my head of where I should live, just letting them wash away; rich people poor people, who is the best, letting it dissolve into hopefully feeling good inside.

I’m scared that I gave myself brain damage by having a relapse.  I suppose the thing to do is just not think about it.  Idk if it w my fault anyway; it c have been the stress that just got to me.

To think w~o worrying, that’s an interesting one.

Well things in my life are going quite well rn.  I have lots of people to spend time w.  I have learned knitting.

I have to say that I think it’s over; the time I spent, worrying about having feelings like Ima drop dead rn; all by of not having anyone to talk to like all week.

That is all behind me now.  I did good, I sorted the problem out.

it’s not easy being around people, I have all these difficult feelings inside, especially being schizophrenic.  I have been made to feel welcome tho.

This lady took me under her wing, and taught me to knit at the craft group.

I feel all this, bc of not judging.  I respected them and they respected me.

It w also nice to meet my two friends who Ik when I w a teenager.  I am looking forward to being w them next time it’s coffee and chat at the church.

This is the first step.  It is allowing people into my life.  Idk how long I have to go till I have a close friend.  I feel having the business running w be a huge step to meeting someone, allowing me the confidence to just talk to random people, like in a coffee shop for example.  Or maybe down Ferry Meadows.  It w be summer soon and there w be lots of nice people to meet down there; or in the mall maybe.

J says to gain worldly wealth for yourselves and find friends so that you have a place in heaven.  It also warns of being rich so there is clearly a balance there.

I w have crazy money so I w have to give a lot away, I feel.

I love Orton and w love to live there.  I w want to be in the posher part.

Growing up I always longed to be in the posher part.  It felt so good hanging around those areas.

Like I said tho in earlier posts, it also feels good to be in the normal part.  I have so many strong memories of just feeling so amazing in those areas.

Like I said tho at the start of this blog tho, Ima not worry about where I w live.

The mind is a curious thing; how it can be improved just by keeping certain thoughts out; how the clarity of the thoughts can just become so much sharper by avoiding trying to analyse things too much.

For example, trying to analyse racism to find out which race is right and w one is w… non bueno; to say the least.

Oh how grateful I am to J’s commandments.  They rly must have come from G; having followed them for some time now I see that.

My future is rly important to me in other ways too.  I must create the Graphene computer chip and the fuel cell also.

I w get to these things by working on myself.  It w also be where a lot of my money w be going as I need to invest in these things.

Wealth always seems to create more wealth.  It’s like a virus, it just grows.

I may end up so ridiculously rich that I just sit in a New York apartment right front and centre to Central Park; works for me.

In Other News

I’m trying to get my jacket cheap from TheNorthFace.  It’s at thirty percent off rn.  I want to wait until it’s forty, as it’s a little pricey for me atm.

I’m scared.  What if it sells out and I don’t get it.  I want it so bad it hurts.

Then there’s the other one after this one.  It’s a gorgeous snowboarding powder jacket.  Ima just look like a snowboarder, works for me.

I’ll have to get two sizes bc Idk which one w be right for me.  The jacket I’m buying is literally the fluffiest thing I have ever owned and I think Ima go a size up to go over it.

I must make my life pleasant to live.  I feel for this I need friends.

It took years to get my self esteem where it is.

Friends is a hard one tho.  I don’t want to end up on drugs yk.

My experiences have always been them trying to get me to toke up as much as possible.

maybe I’ve just had a bad past and should have avoided him as a friend just like my mom warned me when I w a kid; and all the other friends that came with him.

My life w have been totally different; tho I wouldn’t be free of abuse rn.  I w literally be married to the worst demon ever rn; w no way of escape, yikes.

My life rly is free for me to shape it any w w the f I want.  I have to say I rly have nailed it; and waiting for friends is just something I have to do and look on the brighter side.

I have a feeling they w be younger than me, as I rly resonate w that demographic.

To Friends

Kirsty