Hey

I got a rl shock today; that people say that kids are like their minds haven’t formed properly bc they have twice as many neurons.

This was a piece of the puzzle that finally put a lot into place.  For example why I feel that everyone has lost it.

I went down the shops… and I looked at everyone, rly looked and I saw that they were all crazy.

This is bc I am looking at them through the lens of someone who has the same amount of neurons as a kid.

It c be following J’s commandments, or it could be the Curcumin I’m taking or it could be both.

This makes me hard to fit into the world.  I just don’t  see anyone who is the same as me anywhere, an adult who has a kids amount of neurons.

It also tells me why Ima feel my feelings just like I used to when I w a kid.

I’m trying to not worry about it, how I am so different to other people.  To be honest tho I just want someone who is the same as me.

In Other News

I applied for the offer again.

Ik that the worst thing for a business is not getting started w a product or an offer; so I just hit send on that application.

At the end of the day at least I haven’t got stuck before I even got started.

This is the main reason why most businesses fail; that the owner won’t pick a product.

I w hoping that money w make me more appealing to people; tho like I say I now k that there is something much more profound that is keeping me from them.

The important thing for me is to be a part of their lives.  I have to keep going to the clubs I am doing.  I have to have a decent amount of time allocated in the week to making sure that I have that social connection to them and don’t ever end up to different to spend time with them; w w be an easy thing to happen looking at how different we are.

I thought about fw younger people.  This rly does seem the answer to me, tho I feel like a vampire.  They w get to their teenage years and then the amount of neurons they have will half and mine w stay the same.  I feel that I w lose someone who I am super close to.

It’s hard to be this way.  It’s definitely not the easy choice.  I thought that I w follow J’s commandments and everything w be alright; maybe it w.

The world w have an anti ageing drug soon; they w need w I am teaching them.  It is how to keep the number of neurons they have.  After all what is the point of living longer when you still lose it in your twenties.

My friend who is no longer w us bless her, joked that I w look like a ten year old.  This may have been closer to the truth than zhe.

I need to pioneer this.  I am the first.  I must prepare the way for everyone to live a longer life.

They need to k that it is safe and that is w I must prove.  If Ima do it before the anti ageing drug is even here then it definitely is safe to take it.

I must show that people accept me as a younger person in my fifties.  That it is doable.  That when they are like younger when they are older that things w work out for them.  That they just won’t be shoved into the corner of a mental institution.

It’s rly come to the point where Ima only continue to follow J’s commandments.  There is no other option for me.  It is the only thing that can fix things.

Having tasted youth I just can’t go back to having half the neurons of to be real about it, a sane person.

When I w young I looked at my dad and thought that he had lost it.  I suppose all adults had.  I w look at my teachers and kinds think them fricacha.

This is w I mean when I said that I went shopping and rly looked at everyone and thought they were crazy.  I believed that it w bc they were all pathological narcissists.  I mean, maybe this is true, maybe this is the disease that infects older people, Idk.

I feel bananas writing this, tho this is my truth.

This is the thing.  This is always why I felt so gaslit all the time, like people were trying to make me feel nuts.  I am the only one like this in an entire planet of people.

If that isn’t enough to make me feel crazy Idk what is.

Only One Thing Left, To Get Crazier

Kirsty