Hey

I am trying to not think judgemental stuff about people.

Like I w saying; I feel that this leads to me feeling that people are saying sh about me, like it only makes sense that I w feel that they are saying it about me.

It did actually work.  I started to feel when people said sh, that there w no w ay it w about me.

And also these dehumanisations in my head; I have been able to control them.

I w always get anxiety when I think one.  I have also noticed that they stop me listening to w someone is saying; like I w drift off and lose the flow.

It rly is what I do in my mind that rly is my goal for rn.  I want to stop judging.  When I w young I never used to do it.

There are bigotries that I have gotten rid of out of my mind; and I feel so free for having done so.  It has removed a cloud from my mind, so that Ima see that those bigotries were unfounded in the first place.

I w have panic attacks around certain people bc of the lack of worth that I assigned to them; for fear that they were judging me and trying to make me out to be a bigot.

I have taken my pills for this morning.

I have to take more antipsychotic.  This is bc I had to stop taking the anti anxiety medication bc I w ripping several times a day.

I have taken my CalciumAlphaKetoGlutarate.

I feel that it has made me super young.  I look in the mirror and I am amazed about how young I look.

I took it for ten months, finishing about a year ago.  My hair even is not as grey anymore.

In Other News

I had this dream where if I f anyone I w lose all support and also w not be able to support myself, w the business.

I just can’t not compliment chicks on how dope they look tho; how gorgeous.

I screen mirrored my TV to my iPhone.  This is super good as it means that Ima use my iPhone as a desktop.

I want to get a little tray thingy so that Ima type in front of the TV; tho w it rly has taught me is that I don’t rly need it as Ima see everything on the screen w~o it.  Tho I w never be in the position of not k ing what something says on the screen.

I am leaving it a whole week to see if I get accepted for the offer.

Like Idek how Ima feel when I get accepted; Ima jump outta my skin.

Like this is a major milestone and I w be ready to actually be posting ads.  Omg I’m getting giddy thinking about it.

My course tutor said that he has had some pretty good results w just posting ads in front of the competition; so Ik that it absolutely is a viable way to make money.

Sh I’m scared.  W if it works.  I w have to support myself.  It w be my responsibility to bring an income in.

I have schizophrenia; and Idk how this is gonna go.

I worked for like a year just embracing how dope it w be to have a working business.

Through that process; I became the person I w dreaming about; bc I just focussed on how good it w, I wanted it so bad I identified as that person.

I w feeling like a successful businesswoman years ago.  My self esteem w up there w someone who w actually making money.

That rly has been w I have been doing it for all this time; the self esteem that I have been feeling bc of been doing it.

It has felt so amazing for so long, I aim to smash that post button on the ads.  It’s who I am, hell yeah.

So I feel that whether I do it or not is already written.

Also I got told that if I make any money I have to stop claiming money to support me.

So that means that in good conscience, I have to go for it as it means that I am supporting myself.  It’s kinda like having no choice.

They have been doing the right thing by me for years and it’s my turn to do the right thing by then.  Only then Ima hope they help me if things go wrong.

Looks Like We’re Doing This Guys

Kirsty