Hey

It’s my friend’s funeral today.  I w ill yesterday; so I hope that I’m able to go.

I went to check whether I had been accepted to partner w the company; and it asked me if i wanted to set up two factor, w I did.

This w a stressful process so I never got around to actually looking to see.

It w be great to have some more money; even if it w just a few quid a week.

I’m having memories of how it went before when I ran an offer.  It w super challenging psychologically.

I want a better life.  I want to never have to budget so hard again.  I want the leeway where Ik that Ima be more okay than I am rn.

I want to be able to buy the things they have at Notcutts; and have a home to take them to.

Running this offer is the most important thing for me.  This is where most people get stuck; they don’t run the offer.  They are trying to get things perfect and they never get started.

I sure k that things aren’t perfect rn w the offer tho Ima run those ads.  Hopefully I’ll make some kind of money.

Will my self esteem come in a big rush when I run the ads; probably not.

The way my business has built my self esteem has been that it has raised it slowly and consistently for the entire time that I have been running the business. 

It’s not like the money comes and hey presto I feel valued.  Raising self esteem is a long process and requires changes in the mind.  Just suddenly having money is not going to do it as it doesn’t allow for the psychological adjustment.

I have met people.  I suppose it’s like they say that you’re only as good as the five main people that you fw, yk.

I disagree slightly.  I feel that just having that hope allows for the person to grow.  And having that hope over the long term just allows the person to see that people who are rich are not better than anyone else.

You look at the type of people who are rich, and a lot of them were once nearly homeless.

They are not special people, and cultivating self esteem is about learning this; that anyone can do it.

And if anyone can do it, then I can do it.  Stick at it long enough and I w do it.

There comes a time when I realised that, that it w mine as long as I never gave up.  I w take walks in nice areas k ing that that w be mine as long as I stuck w it.

It felt amazing to k that I w have those things.  I always wanted a trade when I w young so that I c be abundant and happy.

It felt like at last I w have that.  The memories of how I felt when I w young all came back to me.  It felt like I w be young again.  I w happy when I w young.

I keep having memories of when I w young, how happy I w.

I think it’s something to do with my illness why I can remember it tho not feel it.  Tho I did feel it one time and it w amazing.

I w on the double decker bus, driving through Orton, and I c see all the homes w people who were happy.

I also kinda feel the feeling from time to time.  I feel my medication covers up from me being able to feel it, that is why I want to come off it one day so that Ima feel alive again.

I think it covers up my feelings tho not my memories.

Again, it’s absolutely a myth that the money w come and the person w be happy.

Firstly the money won’t come quick, and the happiness only comes through psychological adjustment and the process of gradually accepting the truth of anyone can do it and it w come, w time.

Gradually rising to feel like a person that has all that yk, even w~o the money that is how it feels bc I have been doing it long enough.

To The Happiness That Comes W Having A Trade

Kirsty