Hey

I had a dream.  I remembered the end of it.

This girl had poisoned her mother.

It w bc she had tried to stop her fw people.

It scrolled through a piece of newspaper, pointing to the words a shimust, must must must.

This is from my own story.  I wanted to get out of this town.  I felt that everyone w a pathological narcissist.

I remember sitting in front of the tv in my old house; tho someone w mowing the lawn next door and it w messing up the satellite.

I’m thinking about moving to Elephant Park.  When I feel super good self esteem, I feel devalued; like when I’m out and about; like people don’t like it.

I’m torn between two realities; two totally different realities.  One place where people feel so much value w~i themselves, and somewhere else where people have to like never think themselves that way, like it’s putting themselves above others or something.

I’m struggling to sort of figure out w is the correct reality.  Maybe neither are correct; it’s just that I must figure out which place I prefer.

Wouldn’t it be super dope to be able to do both.

There used to be these posts on Tumblr that said get you a girl who can do both; w like one image of a girl in like street gear and the other w her wearing like a suit.

I’d never be seen dead in a suit tho you get the concept.

Omg, that w make  me super horny.

W I like have to switch between the two places.  Like literally flip a switch w~o myself and change who I w fundamentally.

Like how come people can’t just be themselves and get on; why do they have to act a certain way to fit in.  Anyways.

Could this be the same w men and women.  Like I go to a women’s club.  Like c it rly be true that men are one hundo not welcome there.

And black and white; I feel it’s true there also.

These divisions; it says that these have come from J.  Like he said that he w set son against father and sister mother.  Like he came to bring a sword not peace.

Tho surely all demographics have always hated each other.

And then you look at young people and these are the only people who are at peace w everyone.

It doesn’t seem fair that I have to literally do the impossible and obtain the reality of a kid; to be able to be accepted anywhere.

Where the hell am I @ rn.  Am I rly moving into a kid’s reality.  Am I noticing these things bc… not bc I have to choose between two places, tho bc I am entering a reality where I see no boundaries between self esteem and humility, and black and white.

I feel that this is rly happening.  Like my favourite programs are kids programs.  Like I w watching I Woke Up A Vampire last night; I love it.

It’s not choosing Kids over adults, it’s… fw people who just accept everyone.

I suppose it’s J’s commandments of don’t judge anyone.  It has shedded all the judgement out of me so that I’m open to everyone.  That’s a kid’s reality.

Holy sh, wtf is happening to me.

Tho, kids programs are the most enjoyable thing ever and w always the best thing that I gotten out of following J’s commandments and when I started to enjoy them Ik that I w onto a winner.

That’s why I recommend for kids to follow J’s commandments.  It seems that all adults want is for kids to leave a kids reality and enter an adult one; tho no one has to leave anywhere.  W~o judgement a person can be any demographic, they can stay a kid.

I feel this w be necessary as the anti ageing pill comes out.  It w suddenly become acceptable to stay a kid; and people w have a need to have a way to allow that.  The pill may even cause the person to have twice the neurons that an adult has.

I hope this doesn’t cause a war between kids and adults.  Should kids follow J’s commandments, this w not happen.

Fighting adults is the exact things that reduces the number of neurons in a kids brain.  This happens through the teenage years and doesn’t have to be so, ergo, person remains a kid.

Again, tho, through cleansing themselves of judgement, they have no problem w adults, per se.

This is a whole paradigm I’m moving into; and that’s why I’m asking myself… why can I only live one place or the other and not be welcome in the other one.

Like, I’m literally standing at the crossroads, being aware that Ima only be accepted in one or the other.

HeadFk

Kirsty