Hey

I’ve been having full spectrum CBD; Idk whether this is the right thing.

I lost it at Pétanque.  I felt like everyone w saying stuff about me.  I still had a good time tho; and they offered me to go to Bowling as well.

I didn’t feel very good at Pétanque, tho I feel I w be good at bowling.  It c have been bc I s just not myself right then.

Life can be a little whacky sometimes; for sure.

I must check the offer I have applied for for my business today; and I also got accepted for another offer w I must look into.  It w so long ago that Idek what the company w for, like I’m pretty sure it w therapy.

I’m not touching that offer tho.

All I’ve had are other business models right in my face; trying to railroad me into not persuing what I am doing anymore; w the temptation that something else w be a lot better and a lot easier.

When all in all it w be the easiest to just carry on w w I am doing; and especially to have faith in it.

So I w not jump to an offer I have been accepted for; I w carry on w w I am doing.

Tho this is scary; bc Idk whether I w be accepted right away or have to wait a year before they feel my landing page is good enough.

To go all that time; w~o k ing w is w w my landing page just won’t be very good for me.  The hard thing is is that I won’t be told how to make it better.

I suppose I c look at a fresh landing page made by AI and see how much complimentary blurb there is on it; then Ima put the same amount on my landing page; Idk.

I asked them to please lmk if there is not enough complimentary text on my page tho Idk whether they w do this.

It’s a little weird.  Like, every time I hit them up, the problem is is that they just don’t get back to me; so I hopw they are not a bit reluctant to talk to me.

I suppose I c just keep working on it the whole time; until they approve it.

Awin has a partner success page; w w allow me to k how to build a good landing page, hopefully.

I suppose I must write more compliments to the website, so that I have stuff ready to go.

Not judging people has got to the point where I’m asking myself, should I be doing this; is it right.  I won’t even touch thinking about it; as judging involves racism w is just who I don’t want to be.

I dislike racism so much; it’s such a mash.  I want to leave it behind; well behind.

I just want all judgements out of my system, and to be able to weigh stuff based on how I feel.

I watched some stuff on Mix, yesterday.  It w nice.  I used to love all that when I w well, like twenty years ago.  It’s comforting.  All the stuff that w on the Sci-Fi channel.

It w Stargate Atlantis, and Star Trek The Next Generation, and Deep Space Nine.

I also watched ASMR on my TV.  The only problem w that adverts were super loud and I don’t want to wake my neighbour up who works earlies.

I think that the company held off on approving my landing page, rather than reject it; just like the other offer that took a year to come through.

I w super lucky.  I asked Awin to ask them about it bc I had not heard from them for like over a month; and they rejected it.

This is another thing I’ve learned; that I c actually be waiting forever; and get nowhere.

That’s the disturbing part, the feeling of being stuck waiting forever.

It’s rly the same as always; the feeling that it’s just not gonna work.

This is the stumbling block; the actual feeling.  It’s dealing w that uncertainty; just going forward and forward and forward; k ing all the things I’ve been able to sort out, and just having faith that these things do work out and eventually everything w be sorted.

And the feeling of uncertainty does actually diminish quite a bit it.

In psychology this is called secure attachment.  It’s where a n’a feel that… they w be helped, yk; they w be fed, whatever.

It’s one of the best feelings in the world to feel that the business w work! And I w just have more money.

Everyone likes more money, and to live comfortably.  I w feel successful, w is nice.

Idk where I fit in in life.  There are so many types of people.

There are the poor; and then there are those w trades, that make a little more, then the rich.

W~o judgment is rly not possible to not be able to get on w any of these people.  The boundaries just don’t exist in the first place, w is actually super nice.

I’m not a friend to everyone.  I don’t like abusive people around who I feel a lack of self esteem.

The question is… do I want to give up CBD; only on the days that I’m having a group to go to.

I just felt horrible, them seeing me like that; it w a lot.  I just don’t want to put them through that.  Plus I felt they all lost it too.  I guess it’s contagious.

To Secure Attachment

Kirsty