Hey

I got ripped up last night.

I w trying to watch Netflix on my TV.  I got stressed, ripped and then I decided I w just watch it on the app on my TV and that’s when the big rip went in; bc it wouldn’t update.

I wanted to watch One Of Us Is Lying, on my TV.

I am still waiting to find out if I have been accepted for the company I want to partner w.

I’m scared they w leave me w~o a decision until the landing page meets their needs.

This w be horrendous bc they’re not telling me w is w w it, and just not approving it, forever.

This is making it as hard as humanly possible; bc the aim is to just run w this offer and not switch to another one.

What kills businesses is switching from offer to offer and never getting started on one; that is what I feel it is trying to push me into.

So it means waiting and doing nothing on the business, w feels kinda unnatural.  Like doing nothing for like a month and a half; w~o even k ing whether they w approve this offer at all and not leave me hanging for months.

I had an offer that left me for a whole year before approving the offer; that is w bothers me.

It’s trusting that the companies care about us publishers.  It feels like they don’t bc they never respond to my emails.

Again; it’s that sign of the times that the bloke in the bike shop talked about; and how there isn’t many companies out there who don’t leave people feeling like they are being excluded from customer service.

Their customer service is the best ever; tho the affiliate customer service just I feel one hundo ignored.  I just put this down to being part of the challenge.

In Other News

I’m getting on rly well w the people at Pétanque.  It feels lovely to be w them, Ima be honest about it.

I love the garden centre.  It is a lovely place to be.  I had jacket potatothere, it w gorgeous.

It’s so tempting; like w my life w be like when I have an income.

It’s nice bc I don’t have London to go to anymore.  It w encourage me and give me the motivation to plough on w the business.  Now I’m living for the feels that Notcutts gives me; and just k ing the life I w have when I am there.

It’s such a nice feeling.  I feel so lucky to have the life I have.  Starting the business w definitely the best idea ever.

And these people don’t treat me like I am less than as well.  I feel like an equal; unlike how I felt before in my job.  I always felt less than, just like a narcissist w leave a person feeling.

So I am better off for leaving; w is great, bc all I wanted w to form connections w people and at work I just felt withheld from for years, w I feel rly took the pi.  I felt like I w being taunted w friendship.

I guess I’ve learned to stay away from people who won’t treat me like an equal, who hold themselves as being higher than me.  It’s not hard to spot.

Also I felt a ton of psychological pressure w used to try and get me into bed.

I w literally being threatened that I w in danger bc of my need to reject their advances.  W felt absolutely horrendous.  I got the f out, tout suite.

I also feel that it w by boss projecting the violence she might do to me for rejecting her onto the other staff, that it w be them who did it to me.

I felt a level of rage that w super putting me in danger, I feel just for saying that I felt that pressure w there.  Looking back it makes me wanna puke.

One of the functions of empathy is to have these feelings around people when they are just offensive.

Empathy is new to me.  Tbh when I w being abused I felt like I had none.  That w like five years ago.

The hard thing w that it took that long for me to start feeling empathy.

Empathy is my boundaries; for when I feel this much offence from someone that is when I act.

I didn’t have that ability w meant that I w always in danger of being treated in these disgusting ways.

It’s hard for me to have these feelings for people bc it feels like I am rejecting my abusers denial of all feeling; of all disgusted feelings towards bad people.  It’s hard for me to feel this way rn, even tho it’s protecting me from them.

That’s why I love being around people.  It’s such a joy for me to hear them when they are not happy w someone.  It is always bc that person has an empathy impairment and is acting in a way that shows they may not be a nice person.

Again, it feels so good to hear them saying what bothers them about people; as opposed to people who are the abusers moaning on the bus to such degrees that it rips people up who are riding the bus.  There is a huge chasm of difference between the two.

Riding the busses, they are just full of offensive people.  I feel it’s just one bad thing about an otherwise okay town.

To Spotting People Being Offensive

Kirsty