Hey

I had such a good experience at knit and natter.  I put it down to the CBD that I had the night before; and the sun w out.  Idk that I had the ability to feel that.

This is especially amazing w the medication that I am on as it dulls feelings.

I have cleaned out my dab stick so that Ima use full spectrum CBD in it.

I had to use isopropyl alcohol to do it, w got everywhere including all over me; tho it does clean super well and all I had to do w let it soak.

I then left it to evaporate and it should be good now.  I like a toke in the evening.

I’m rly excited bc it’s diesel w is my favourite.

I w looking for some to buy.  I started by looking at moon rock, then just thought I w buy whatever w cheapest, then realised that the best buzz I have ever had came from diesel so I tried to find that.

All were super expensive and I may as well go right in and get the diesel full spectrum wax; w is also super expensive tho probably better value.

One of the sites charges a ten pound postage so I don’t fw it no more.  There is no need w so many websites offering those products.

I need to get my washing done.  There is a laundrette that I c go to today, tho it has lots of beggars go in there so I don’t want to go.  Ima wait til tomorrow and go to a different one.

It’s also quite scary.  A single girl sitting there on her own, in the middle of the most deprived area.

I met this nice guy who w staying in a homeless shelter.  He had no benefits money and w being helped out by the other residents.  I helped him out with a few quid.

He thought I w mixed race w I found a huge compliment; and invited me to come over.

I also am allowed to have beers; bc my psychiatrist told me that w I w doing w moderate.

That’s why I thought the CBD w okay.  He didn’t want me doing it, he felt it w bad; till I told him that a n’a can buy it anywhere.

I weighed it.  Like both are psychotics, so why not, yk.  Hemp is so mild.

And I got to thinking on that, how people are caning like huge crazy amounts of THC, and that all it takes is one puff of hemp.

Excess is something that seems rly prevalent in the world.  And it means that people can’t ever feel good w~o being on something bc that kinda life lowers self esteem like f.

It’s not for me by any means.  I mean, I’ve been there and it w great; so much crazy fun.  Tho I don’t want to leave myself w permanent brain damage.

I used to find, like I say, that it lowered my self esteem so f much.

I have to k my limits.  That means that I leave a little bit in the bottom of the pint that I drink; and only have one puff of CBD.

I must keep the beer for the weekend; bc I find that otherwise I get addicted and then it is no fun.

I remember when I did no beer; and it w just so boring sat in the pub at lunchtime.  This is also bc I used to just have one coffee in the morning and then have nothing.

I used to get ripped up bc when I had a beer I used to find that my medication I w on w rip me up.  It w horrible and I felt like I rly disliked all the people in the pub who I felt were seriously rude; tho it w still better than being bored, yk.

I went years on medication that ripped me up several times a day and completely obliterated my quality of life.  I only just recently asked to be taken off of it.

There is a serious lack of medication that is there for anxiety.  Most of what is there is seriously addictive; and therefore won’t be prescribed.

Come to think of it, I wonder if a large dosage of vitamin B1 several times a day w lower my anxiety enough for my antipsychotics to be reduced.

That’s why I wanted him to prescribe me the CBD.  I felt that it w lower my anxiety so that I c have less of the rly harmful black box medication.

It’s funny how psychiatrists think differently.  It’s probably their training; and yes that is a little dig.

There’s this social opinion that CBD is a drug; and it rly erks me.  If it’s a drug why the hell is it legal.  People tripping on dogma is so annoying; they’re kinda like little robots who feel like they are being good little minions by following the crowd.

People love to perpetuate ignorance.

To Being Able To Think For My Damn Self

Kirsty