Hey

I’m researching similar companies to the one I’m promoting w comparable products.

Tbh what they offer is at such an inflated price.  It should be easy to tempt people with the offer I’m running.  A good product sells itself.

I got upset on the way to pétanque.  I felt like people were staring at me; and putting in a lot of effort trying to.

I don’t like being stared at.

I get triggered by someone staring; and then bc I’m triggered; that’s when everyone tried to cop a look; and that’s why I don’t like this town, bc I feel the people are insanely cruel.

Ima be honest; it feels like they’re kinda oafish.

So I w upset when I played; w I don’t like bc I kinda have low self esteem and feel that when I’m in a mood they don’t want to be around me; I’m scared of losing them.

Tho I feel that they are in a bad mood as well so I suppose it’s okay.

I feel singled out, being stared at.  I feel like they are ruining my day and they don’t do it to anyone else.

I feel they only do it to someone w high self esteem.  I’ve seen them do it to someone on the bus.  People who shine, I feel they rly suffer in this town and it’s just plain wrong.

The busses are full of rude pathological narcissists.  It’s impossible rly to get on one w~o getting upset; as opposed to the public transport in London where it’s fine and no one is trying to get narcissistic supply of people.

I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, bc I don’t want to identify as someone who thinks they are better than the people who live here.

I love being at Notcutts.  I love the feeling of being able to afford all the nice things.  It feels amazing.  And I love being around people who make me feel that way.

Also the knit and natter is of a vibe that is truly gorgeous.  I w there on a sunny say and it w so nice.  Also the bowling is super nice.

I just feel upset that people treat me this way; it hurts like f.

I feel that it is bc of smoking CBD that I’m having these experiences; tho I don’t want to give it up bc I like it.

I tried looking at people to make sure that they didn’t stare at me; w worked, tho I kinda got wound up bc I w saying to people, please don’t stare at me.

G it hurts dealing w this; tho I can’t be rude to people; bc I’m wound up; so I mustn’t get wound up so I mustn’t say to people please don’t stare at me.

When I’m triggered it’s not as bad as it used to be; Ima still function fairly well.

Ngl, I’m still in a bad mood.

In Elephant Park there are security people who make sure it is safe for the people at the park.

I’m rly f off that people are doing this to me, I feel.

I love this town tho.  I’m honestly thinking like I don’t wanna leave.  Tho for my quality of life it might be a good choice to get out.  It’s tough.

If I identify as someone who wants to live in London they w eat me alive.  They w be able to spot it in me and won’t ever leave me the f alone, I feel.

If I feel I’m getting stared at now, you should see how they’a treat me when I feel like I’m better than this place.

It’s dangerous feeling this way.  It c lead to spiral; a vicious circle of resenting the people here, feeling like I am better than that; being fed by the way people treat me bc of that and being stared at me like f bc of it.

That’s my fear.  Also that they force me out of this town, a town that I love.

Every time I dream of living in London I have to shut down the feeling, bc I’m scared of being treated like sh bc they feel that I feel that I am better than them.  I’m literally having to suppress my feelings, twenty for seven.  Idk whether that is healthy, probably not.

I feel that the only thing keeping me grounded is the fact that I don’t want to move to London; unless I have to.

The problem is is that my psychiatrist says that autism is the inability to feel feelings; and here I am suppressing the fact that I want to move to London.  Shutting down the feeling bc of fear of reprisal from people who just think I’m a snob; literally for just having self es f’ing steem.

I feel angry.

I kinda feel like I wanna just channel it into getting the f out of here.

I have to validate the way I feel.  I have to feel my feelings; or I amautistic.

Being autistic w mean that I am unable to form close connections w people, and I’m sick of feeling isolated and alone.  I can’t go on feeling this way for the rest of my life.

To Feelings

Kirsty