Hey

I w wondering how I felt; around the business and whether I w getting cold feet.

I thought about the life I now have and how it came from the business; walking around Notcutts, looking at all the nice things, the homes in Orton Wistow and just the feels of it all that were incredible.

Ik that I w doing a good thing.

Yes I’m scared; that I w lose the support that I now have and end up on nothing; tho the right thing is if I have the chance, a way, of making money then it is my responsibility to accept it.

When I do the right thing, hopefully they w see that and do the right thing too.

I should feel better when I start posting ads and see how many clicks through I’m getting.  I w then k that there is money in them there hills, yk.

There is an issue w the amount of time Ima spend answering emails.

In order to address this w I can do is remove the advertising from my website.  This w mean that my blogging no longer counts towards permitted work as it not longer provides an income, or doesn’t provide and income.

That w mean that I have two hours a day to answer emails.

The business w run itself for the main w w mean that Ima spend all my time answering emails.

It’s about holding those feelings and k ing that this is w I want; w all my heart.

That’s the price of feeling my feelings is that I have no choice but to go along w them, no matter how scared I am.

I don’t want to live this way for the rest of my life; that is another motivating force.

The friends I now have… bc of the business.  The clubs I go to, and love… bc of the business.

My life as it is rn… bc of the business; not forgetting to mention that following J’s commandments is what gave me the mental ability to get after all this.

It is the result of years of work; that is why it should even get a stronger motivating force after a couple of months; it just looks better and better the more I do it.

This is G’s kingdom and his righteousness and Ima not pass that up.  G has done so much for me; it’s moving to think about it.

I want more as well.

I w watching a video by Luna Bloom, saying, you are loved, you w find your people etc.

And I want that.  I want to find my people.  I want to carry on down this path and find people who value me for who I am and want me to be the way I am; as I w want them just the way they are.

I must invent the fuel cell.  I must invent the graphine transistor.  Also.  There are things I want to do w my life.

I want more.  This life is not enough, I still have to find happiness; people who treat me w the kindness I deserve; and have proper listening skills.  Those who validate and don’t gaslight, in moments of upset. 

Ik I need this; Ik I deserve this.

Continuing w the business is the path to this.  No other path w lead to it.  No other path w lead to where I want to go and authentically who I want to be.

So my feelings have me.  I kinda trapped by my feelings, as they are from heaven as G gave them to me for following his commandments, nothing short of that.

This is my path; this is my destiny.

To Destiny

Kirsty