Hey

I’m scared that I won’t make any money.  Ever since I ripped myself up trying to figure out how to make a blank landing page I have felt that way.

I just want to return to normal of feeling uber confident of being able to handle all this.

I felt my feelings and it did do a lot for me, tho I broke my settee bc I kinda jumped in it.

I just want to go back to feeling crazy amounts of self esteem, yk.

I screamed f off bc this assistive touch is rubbish bc I couldn’t see the mouse pointer.

I played pétanque rl good, I won three games.

I just want to run an offer.  I have been looking for offers that ima pivot to bc I have to wait to run the offers I have, tho it is too late, I need to just give it the time it w take.

I found another offer and wrote a landing page for it, tho then I found out that they are changing their affiliate network, and I wasn’t able to apply.

This waiting is driving me out of my mind, truly.

I’m aware that G does this.  When a person be ready to take a big step he shuts them down.  He has always shut me down when there w something I wanted to do to change my life, and get back to being healthy.

I just need to wait until the planets align or whatever.

Yes I honestly feel that G holds me back.  When I have been just not doing my best and I suddenly say to myself Ima sort myself out; that’s when G says no, not happening.

So I feel that is w is going on rn.  He is holding me back.  He is saying, if you want this you’re just gonna have to wait.

So I wait; I wait until it happens.

The waiting tho is driving me crazy.  I’m literally going luny tunes wondering if all this is actually gonna work and want to hit it so that at least Ik where I stand.

This bird on the internet says that, done beats perfect every time; and doing this can sky rocket your business.

I want to take this advice on board and just do it, tho G is holding me back w is why I’m going luny tunes.

Like not hitting an offer is the only thing that will kill a business faster than anything and that’s literally w is going on.

So I try to hit an offer and G says no.

I felt my feelings and now I feel connected to the people I am fw.

My psychiatrist said asked me if I had a problem feeling emotions, and mentioned autism.  I said that it w abuse and that my mom has ASBD and that I w shut down from feeling everything, I feel.

That’s when I decided to feel w I w feeling.  It w just anger rly; that people in this town were complete trash and w just treat me like sh when I w out and about bc they just literally had no self esteem whatsoever.

They’re just so f oafish it’s a horrible place to live I feel.

When I’m out and about they’re just being so selfish trying to steal my self esteem off of me.  It feels like they are demanding that I make them feel good like some kind of f jester or something.  It makes me so f angry.

Like when I’m in a bad mood all they care about is themselves, and using me like that; and it drives me into a rip.  They’re horrid, I feel.

So I felt it.  I felt super upset at them ripping me up, and rightly so.  When I go to London they leave me alone and that is proof for me that there is something w w the people here; that they are all pathologically narcissistic; and looking for narcissistic supply of me bc they are all so miserable, I feel.

And when they see me coming they rly feel like they have got some, and it is so offensive how hard they try, I feel.

Bc when I leave and I’m in a bad mood they have me.  I am weakened and they can get a shoe in and will rip me up.  Every single person doing it rips me up; eventually; just driving me deeper and deeper into being their bi, I feel.

I feel they are a right bunch of users; and there is no way I want to have a relationship with someone in this town bc I want to get the f out; and they’re all the same anyway I feel.  It’s the culture.  I feel the culture is pathological narcissism; w w make sense in such a deprived town.

So, yea, I felt all that; every f time I left my home and I felt they tried to use me.

To Validating Myself

Kirsty