Hey

I had a beer today as it’s St Patrick’s day.  My CBD dab pen and full spectrum concentrate arrive soon.

In Italy they are trying to ban it saying that it is a narcotic.  This is such nonsense.  People be trippin bc it comes from hemp, w btw isn’t marijuana.  It’s easy to see how basic people are; how they are just sheep.

I hate it when people try and force dogma on us.

Dogma is basically something that is for people who can’t think for themselves.

It used to be dogma that a woman couldn’t possess any money; or that she wasn’t allowed to read books.  I don’t like dogma; it is nonsense.  People just cappin that things must stay the same.

Dogma is sad people controlling other peoples’ lives bc they don’t have a life of their own.

I feel the business is close to making money; w is quite scary.  This w be a loss of control for me.

I just came up w this.  I want to just flood the net w ads.  I want to shoot for the sky w~o a safety net.

There’s this saying that, done beats perfection every time.  It’s best just to hit that offer and go full tilt; and not try to make things perfect.

Ik it’s a risk.  Ik that I c lose all my support; tho I just kinda feel that people at the CPFT got me and won’t let anything happen to me.

Just spit balling the numbers… if it takes a month before I get my commissions coming in that means that my ad budget must last a month, w it can do… easily.  Omg this is so crazy; I love it.

This is the beauty of the work I did on positive affirmations that got me to identifying as the person who is running the business.

I had to do this to not procrastinate about it; to not be scared that things w go wrong.  If it w truly who I am then I w go for it regardless of risk; and that has come in handy at the present time just lobbing caution to the wind, like this.

I c lose everything, so what.

The secure attachment helps a lot; like I say, feeling that my support network has me.

I don’t want to worry about it any further.

It’s well time.  I have felt that I have the self esteem to make this my life for a few weeks now; walking round Notcutts, seeing all the dope stuff and feeling how lovely it w be to have that kind of life; and at the same time, feeling that I actually already have it.

Idk what the next steps w be and how I w secure an income for myself, I have no clue; and I’m totally fine w that.

It’s an energy.  I feel this energy so strong that it is making me do reckless sh; and I f love it, w a high.

I have to follow the energy.  Like the guy at the Cavelle centre said, that’s where the en fan frm… w is how to cultivate energy by following it until it gets stronger.

The energy is w I want in life; and Ima do my utmost to grow it to the max.

I have to follow it no matter where it leads.

And the more I get pi off at people the more I see them for who they are; the more closer to them I feel emotionally; the more I vibe w them; ain’t that a paradox or what.

The more I hate them the more I love them, so help me.

There w be times when I have had enough again; tho I see w my psychiatrist w talking about when he said that my lack of emotions w causing my schizophrenia.

Feeling my feelings w the best thing I have ever done.  Feeling close to people is rly the best feeling in the world; and I w never go back, ever.

I had a conversation w someone at my Bowling that felt like a stranger and now Ik her a little.  Ik that she is so wise; and I felt like I wanted to do something to stop kids falling into gangs.

Social Services are too stretched.

I think it’s society and how families are just non existent now.  Kids don’t have the support they used to; no one does.

Society is not doing a good job of supporting people as communities have crumbled; and don’t support each other anymore.

Everyone is out for themselves; and people fall through the cracks.  And once they have, there is no coming back for them as people seldom change.

People become worse people tho people who are bad people seldom become better ones, y feel me.

Tbh it feels like everyone is sliding downwards.  There needs to be support so that people a get back up, yk.

These groups have rly helped me get back up to feeling self esteem again; and valuing myself; and having self belief.  I want that for everyone.

To Getting Back Up

Kirsty