Hey

I rly don’t like people being pushy w me; tho my friend said that I w slipping bc I had a beer.

This got me to thinking like do I actually prefer it being buzzed all the time.  I c try cutting down on tea, to see what happens.  I don’t think Ima like it tho

In J’s time they were all drinking all the time so that is probably the best idea.

It’s just I’m taking pain killers all the time and I don’t want to be doing that.

I remember tho that I’ve always had headaches all the time, especially in the summer.

I think w w cure it w be my CBD bong.  I’ll have a rip off that and see if it helps and that I don’t need painkillers.

The landing page is totally done now except that I need to remove the menu.  It must be just one page w no distractions

I have a lot of stuff at the bottom in the footer and am scared to delete it; tho people may be looking at that when they should be hitting the offer.

I had a dream where Orton w w a rly nice place.  There were these houses that had a lift and it w like the mall.  Why can’t life be like this.  Actually they were apartments.

I feel that now is my only shot to get out of this town; and that I won’t get another chance.

I w struggling to k whether to move out and where to go.  I just feel that I literally have to get the hell out; out of fear that the business w collapse bc people are at such a low vibration; that they w drag me down and the business w fail eventually due to the mindset of the place.

I am not getting any younger and I might not have the energy to be doing this for much longer and may soon need the vibration of the town to lift me up and it won’t.

On the other hand it may be the vibration of the place that has allowed me to have the business so profitable I feel.

All taken into account this may be my only chance to get out and see the world.  It is something that I try to not worry about.

I don’t rly need to be an entrepreneur; as I feel it’s too close to being a false prophet; tho it is the only way Ima make an income as I am brain damaged; w hopefully isn’t true bc the medication gave me this illness.

I feel like working on my Ad.  This w have me feel closer to hitting the offer; just drawing closer and closer by the day, inching my way into a better life.

I just hope that the system has me if things should go wrong.

I have knit and natter today w I love and I hope the weather is nice.  I have to bus down there tho as my scooter is in the shop.  There is a bus that goes all the way down there so things should be okay.  The same bus w take me to Ferry Meadows afterwards tho I am likely to walk bc it gets expensive.

I normally do about a couple of miles so instead I w just sit and chill the f out.

I w have to bring some lunch bc I want to save money as the scooter is costing me a lot to get fixed.

I don’t know whether I ripped a wire out and don’t k whether it w cost me a lot in busses bc the length of time it takes to get a part.  I may as well be saving money right out the get.

I think an egg sandwich from Sainsbury’s will do just fine.

All this scraping, tho I enjoy it.  I like the game of trying to live cheaply.  I still have enough.  I’m scared tho that something w break and it w use up funds I do not have; there is always that fear.

The one thing that troubles me is getting stabbed in one of the parks in London.  It’s quite scary that totally innocent people just get killed out there.

Like there is no reason for it, they just die; that’s horrid.

I want to sit there having a picnic and it not be an issue.

Ik I’m safe at Elephant Park bc they have security patrolling the area; so being there w be nice, tho I w like to go on long walks.

I like the thought of camping.  I want to try it tho Ik that I w be super scared out there on my own.  I love it so much tho when night falls it might be hard.

I did it a couple of times before my abuser moved out of town.  It w okay.  I just had a waterproof blanket and slept there; and a little wind up torch.

I rly want one that has a twelve hour battery and isn’t that bright.  That w be perfect; the same thing tho not having to wind it up.

There is lots of dead wood that Ima burn in a hexi burner; tho I w take fuel to cook on.  I love hexi burners.

I used to always take sausages and beans and bread, to eat, and have a real feast as I felt I w not well fed at home.

It’s nice to feel so safe in this town and it w be something that I w surely miss; that is the only thing that makes it hard.

I w rather have a council place than an expensive home.  I w looking at the dear homes in the estate and they seemed a little lifeless yk.  The council homes seemed to have more warmth.  This is in Orton.

The problem is is that I can’t have one.  It is not okay to be living in a council home if I have the money to go private.

To Having Options

Kirsty