Hey

I have run my first offer; the first one after the total disaster two years ago.

The only thing is leaving it alone.  It’s like my Christmas tree.  I  thought it was be happier w a little more moisture bc they like it, tho it gave it root rot, and I think it’s died.

I need to let the offer run and not be changing it in any way; lest it meet the same fate as my tree.

At the least I w make some kind of money; recoup some of my ad budget that, gulp, is going into this.

Luckily the dorks at Google made it easy for me to blow my budget as they would not let me remove my ad money from my account.  I don’t like Google.  I’ve heard straight up how they treat their employees and it’s the same as they treat their customers.

In Other News

I have been feeling my feelings.  I have rules; I don’t feel them when I go out.  I sit at home pissed af at people.  If I feel myself getting anxious then I drop it.

My teapot is super nice, it’s a Chinese one.  It makes lovely hot tea.

I bought some tea from Amazon bc I’m disgusted w the quality of tea these days.  It has gone right down the swanny since the nineteen eighties.  The only decent one imo is Yorkshire Tea Gold.

I’m kinda wiggin.  The Affiliate Marketing is kinda like forex trading.  I w cool as a cucumber at a spa; till I actually placed an offer.  Now I see that it’s the same vibe, kinda stressy yk; every moment spent wanting like f to mess w the offer.

It’s screwing me up and wigging me the f out.  I won’t be right until I see some money coming in on my metrics.

I have like I think it’s five days till the system has run it’s learning curve; and then it w be posting ads proper.  I won’t be right until I see ads being posted and then like I say, not even then.

It’s all good bc I w never give up; until I have nailed this.  I just plod along growing my self esteem like a crop of tomatoes.  As long as I feel better about myself the whole time I’m A okay.

It’s rly self esteem that stops people from nailing this sh to the wall.  There are all these scammy courses out there.  They promise all this sh that to be real only someone w the utmost self esteem can even attempt to get right.

Self esteem is the common denominator here.  It rly is the only quality that a n’a be needing to be good at this; that is why I’m good as long as my self esteem be going up.  Ik that one day I w have cracked it.

Self esteem rly only be coming from trying something rly hard.  It just grows w the person gradually getting better and better at something they were completely useless at at the start.

And the courses are just making money off the people who can’t do it, Ima be honest.  It’s kinda disgusting how they play it like it’s so easy and anyone can do it and they key to it is just realising that anyone has the ability right out the get should they just even try; bull sh.

Everyone has that inside, to rly respect themself.  Yk it’s so sad how just every day vocations just don’t make people feel that way about themselves.  I suppose it has to be a challenge or the mind just shuts down and gets depressed and starts suppressing all the normal functions of the mind.  It’s just depressing just to think about it.

People get depressed bc they are not where they want to be; tho they just need to take something on that to start w they w be completely useless at.

The problem w this is that in employment there is no room for someone to be useless at something they get into.  They w not be profitable to the company.  So it’s easy to see how people get stuck.

I suppose it’s about starting small and taking more on gradually, in line to match that growth of self esteem; and then up they go like a rocket.

It’s being content w the present situation and just putting a little effort in.  I suppose it’s like tidying my place.  I didn’t think I could do it and I needed some help tho once I did it I found it w not that hard.

It’s just making that first step.  I w recommend talking to the boss and finding out if there were any way that they could add a little more value to the company and get the help that is needed, from someone who actually knows a lot; instead of hating the boss and being a whiny little bitch.  You have to work with people not against them.

I used to blame other people for the situation I w in, now I see that it w all me holding me back.

Everyone has the power to grow; and the ability when out of that depression to do great things, and feel amazing about themselves.  I can say it bc I have done it.

I have the self esteem to say it.  Self esteem is the be all and end all of it.  It doesn’t matter about money or status.  All that is needed is that self esteem.  It rly is the goal.

I used to think that when I had money I w just feel better about myself; wrong; now I have the self esteem I feel better about myself; and I have no money.  I am living on about the same that I had when I w at Uni, f all.

However I feel great about myself and k that money doesn’t matter it’s just important to have a purpose and a challenge.

The hope is a big thing; the holding on to that one day things w get better.  It’s a huge motivating force.  It propelled me to where I am now.

Little wins create that hope; so go after it.  The hope grows and then turns into a reality after a few years.

Ima be real w you; when you are suffering from depression it does take a few years to get better.  It’s better to know this right from the start bc there can be a lot of pain expecting things to get better in a flash and being let down perpetually like constant torture.

It’s a slow growth process as the mind heals as the person takes on more challenges and learns new things.  The mind needs to be fed.

To Feeding The Mind

Kirsty