Hey

I’ve kinda dialled back my expectations.  I think if I get one customer for every five thousand ads I w be okay.  I just wanna make a little bit of money; and up my savings a little bit, while working on the business; and then practice my craft and hopefully get good at it one day.

I just want a little bit of money so that Ima just, Idk, have a little more; like one hundo fifty every week.  That’s actually quite a huge chunk every month.

Oh, there w be so many nice things that I’ll be able to get; tho that’s not what I’m thinking; like I just want to be able to spend a little more when I go shopping, and get like nice Nike trainers.  I want the Alpha Fly 3.

I went to Ferry Meadows today and had a beer.  I take a pint of Carlsberg and tip away the last tiny bit.

I’ve wanted to spend more time around people this weekend so I have been talking to people when I can, like the girl in the shop.

I just don’t have enough self esteem to talk to nice girls and w like to have little money so that my self esteem is good and say hi and stuff.  I’m getting to a point where I am feeling a little more confident

I have bowling on Monday w w be great.  It’s nice to be around people; I value them so much, they rly boost my self esteem.

I feel like having the business actually making a little bit w make me value myself a little more and give me that oomph when it comes to chatting w people.

I suppose I need to take things slow.  I have only just been fw people who rly boost me up and it w take time to get to the level where Ima talk to people I meet when I am out.

I have to accept that things take time; just like it took time when I w healing from my anxiety attacks.  Ik it w take a long time before I have the confidence to talk to people; and it w be so much fun working myself up and getting closer and closer to being at a level where I just find it so easy yk.

I think the Google algorithm w have sorted itself out by Monday and I w be posting like one thousand ads a day.  It is only then that I w see any kind of customers coming to the merchant’s website.

The wait has been something that I discovered that I can do nothing about and I have found that looking to see how many ads are being posted is not something that I want to do.

No ads w be posted until the algorithm has sorted; and it w be charging me like £1.50 an ad w is something that I don’t want to see and don’t want to check up on.

The cost of the ads does down when the algorithm has done its funky, rip off thing.

I w horrified I first ran a campaign and found it offensive that my introduction to Google ads, the very hello, w them taking a ton of money that they seem to hide that they’re gonna do, aka ripping me the hell off.

This though has taught me w the process is and I’m ready for it this time.  Ik roughly how much they w take before charging me the right amount.

Then the ads are running proper and there’s a chance of me making money; as atm I am paying about one hundred times too much for the ads.

There is no chance whatsoever of making any money at this stage and that’s why Ima just wait for the algorithm to sort itself out and hope for things to get better then.

I felt gaslit last time I ran a campaign and that they were just f w me and wouldn’t even tell me that the cost w go down to what it should be eventually.  This hurt like f; as gaslighting always does.

I felt like they were the big bad Google and that they deemed me unworthy of even having my fears elayed.  Something to do with them feeling better than me I feel.

I feel it’s the same with doctors’ receptionists that they feel they have the right to talk down to the patients like they have the social level of a doctor; a narcissistic one, and feel the patients are wretches.

It’s like they use the doctor’s snobbery when talking to the patients; as I feel the salesmen use the snobbery of the biggest tech boss when talking to me.

It w horrid; and something I w always remember as the worst week of my life.

Keep keep ringing up and harassing me when I had made it clear that I w done w them.  Ima not go there; just to force me to spend all my ad money, when they didn’t meet my needs of what I wanted from them for the business to work.

Just emotionally abusive, in the highest.

I don’t think Google had that personality when it w founded tho it sure does now.

So, yea, it’s all these feelings when I am starting a campaign; the fear that the ad cost w never go down, bc they have actually never told me that it will.

I cut myself off from them and asked them to delete my contact details or otherwise I w have sales people hounding me under the pretence of helping me with my conversions.  Have I said it’s horrid.

And what’s more; a company that I feel is evil is policing the internet and saying who can say what.  They choose what sites have value, based on narcissistic reasoning I feel and shut down any blogs of value.

Is anyone else angry that the internet is not a safe space for free speech and policed by narcissists or worse, I feel.

There is no f way round it; you can’t just start a blog on the other internet.

Oh, the day w come when just like gas suppliers anyone can start an internet and decide what they want to value on it.  There w be many competitors; and it w be quick to see which are the good internets; Idk.

The definition of monopoly in the dictionary is someone who has total power over something; or is that tyrant.

In a world that is supposedly fair, how did we miss that one.

Out

Kirsty