Hey

I’m scared the business w not work.  It’s not like I’m actually thinking that tho it is affecting my energy, and my positivity towards it.

I suppose this is a long process and I’m in for the long haul.

My self esteem goes up and down with this and it’s important that my self esteem is good bc it is what allows me to do good at it.

The people I fw keep my self esteem rl good and things generally are all good.

There’s just this nervousness w running my first campaign, and all I want to feel is that it work and this is not how I feel all the time.

I got the video from my tutor w his recommendations and I am just not implementing them.  I feel that he doesn’t k my strategy as it is not the same as his.

I could try however putting my ads in front of a different audience, tho I don’t want to think about that at this time.

I mean, I authentically came up with this whole business model and it’s super important to me that I give it a go and find out if what I came up w, actually works, yk.

That rly is the main thing, teaching myself that my ideas are good and trusting myself.

And that’s the hard part; trusting myself.

It feels so good Ima hardly have a problem w it.  The reward that may come from it actually working w be well worth any risk.

It’s a bit like Forex trading.  When a trade is placed it has to be left to run.  I must let this run and see w happens.

It’s unlikely that I w get no income whatsoever from it; more likely that there w be some sales, no matter how few.

I need about ten sales to get me my ad money back; actually I think it’s only about seven.

I need to dig into my authenticity, into my self and just bring the confidence that I have to the fore and just love myself.

That is the issue, that continuing w this offer is me loving myself and just it’s a rly strong love and I just need to give myself that love.

It drives me w a passion; a passion that can’t be quelled.  I need to accept that love.

Where does self belief even come from.  It’s something that everyone is searching for.  I remember this guy at the Cavell.   He said that’s where the en fam fm.

Which means that following energy makes it grow.  If I follow this energy of self love then it w make me love myself more, lots more.

As I need more of that self love energy, I need to respect the self love energy that I have rn and go all in.

I’m betting on love w shouldn’t be too much of a hard thing to do.

Yes there’s anger at Google ads for robbing me £150 off of every start of a campaign.

It means that I have to save a lot of money before running each campaign and each one is a risk.

I kinda wiggs me out to think of it and I don’t want to think about it.

I am in the present.  Ima only do the thing that I’m doing rn.  I can’t be worrying about the future and how I w make things work at a time that I haven’t even got to yet.

I can’t let the fear of the unknown just phase me, yk.

Energy energy energy, just concentrate on that energy.

I need a boost.  I thought about going to London and soaking up the energy of success.  I rly need something to settle me down and give me the faith I need.

I w thinking about going on Friday; tomorrow.

It’s not too expensive, only fifteen on the train and a McPlant meal when I get there.

Love is at stake here.  It seems like a very low price to assure that I am following the energy of love; and that I w increase my self esteem.

It w a hard week w Google Ads taking all that money of mine, and being gaslit by the community leaders.  It took its toll on me.

The good thing is is that my self esteem goes up and down; so I’m assured of it rising at some point and putting it all in perspective.

I’m scared to go to London tho.  It makes me feel like I’m in the wrong class for this town and I’m scared that when I get back I w rip a lot of the time bc of feeling like people are just against me bc I don’t belong here anymore.

Again, love is at stake here tho and I must do it.  I must try and make things better for me; make them easy for me in fact.

The problem w always that I didn’t feel I had the ability to smash it; and that I just felt Idk, depressed I guess w the business; especially w the people I w fw who were not supportive I felt.

I felt they always had to keep me in a position where I w less than, and this affected me; tho they were all I deserved at the time and I accept that.

The more I run the business the more confident I feel.  It comes from learning new things and strengthening my skills to the point where I feel I got this.

Once I’ve learned how to do this and be pretty sure that it is a method that works, it eases my insecurity of it.

The whole way along, learning things and feeling better about smashing it.

I want to go on Tatiana and be telling them about the business, and how I succeeded.  It w her who taught me that these Amazon courses were not scams and did actually teach properly how to do it.

I felt like Ik a little secret and it always kept me going, at the time w Forex trading; it made me trust them; and it worked, I had a month when my mentor told me that he w rly impressed w the quality of my trades and I did actually make the proper money that month.

Again it seemed like I had learned the secret to my success all that long time ago; and I may use Forex trading when I have a little capital from the business to grow it.

Again, this is about love and I need to do what makes me feel that I love myself and let that guide me and make my decisions for me.  I rly believe in the saying, that’s where the en fam fm.

This guy w a special guy, and I learned that that day and can’t unlearn it.

To Him

Kirsty