Hey

I’m  a bit lonely.  There w no Pétanque on Thur or Sat.

I realised where I went wrong w the CBD doob.  It’s just got too much of a blast of a toke on it.

I remember when I used to do CBD; and it made me feel like Ima die all the time.

It’s the same w smoking.  If I do too much of that, again I feel like Ima die.

I think it’s bc I feel my mom smothered me as a baby; and it’s just reliving the feeling of feeling scared the she a finish me off, yk.

I’ve started doing my taxes.  I logged into my account.  I w having this bull sh thing going on w the password.  That’s all Ima do for today.  I get super stressed and just if I do like one thing a day, I should have it done by Jan.  Actually, when I say it out loud, it seems like a dope way to do it

I’m kinda worried; that Google Ads is gonna start spending my ad money.  One of my accounts had been cancelled and I’ve reanimated it.  Sometimes w Google, I even look at an ads account and it starts running the campaign; Idk.  I can’t be bothered tho to check it

I went shopping, got a few bits; I’m budgeting rly well and keep it to about six quid a day; w is much less than I had to spend when I w at Uni.

I don’t want for anything tho.  Ima still buy my Nike and North Face stuff.

I get everything w money off.  I scope out products until they sell out and then I dive in there and get at least thirty percent off.

I think that w the problem w the Buspirone I w taking.  I w just on too much, and it made me feel that way.  I just can’t do drugs; tea and coffee w do that to me, as w vaping.  I kinda wish I could toke it up more; and get a good feeling.  It’s important that Ik my limits.

I w walking to the doctors; and I felt like an admiral.  This girl saluted me w added to it.

Then I got to the doctors and I found out that I’m not due to have my injection till the twenty fifth.

I w saying to myself G, isn’t it fast that that month went by.  I said to the nurse that I w tell her how my ads went.

This is good bc I burn to tell her that things went well, and there’s two weeks left for me to make it work.  Ima at least have a good price for the ads I’m posting.

I have a week to make some money.  G I just wanna tell her that I had a sale, yk.

This is bc the ads a dead for a week while it does its learning process.

Actually I w warn anyone doing Google ads two very important things.  The first is that the price sometimes doesn’t go down after the learning stage; w meant that I w being charged one hundred times too much for my ads.  The other things is that it absolutely can do down and I had an experience where I w being charged about fifty times too much and the ads cost went down to a reasonable level after about a week.

Google Ads is frichacha af; so I just limit my daily ad spend to 79p so that I don’t end up paying hundreds too much.  I’ll have to let you know if this works.

I feel that what’s going on here is that they just rip people off; and I contacted their support and just got gaslit and w never ask them for help again.  It just leaves me to try and figure out a way to not get ripped the hell off

I kinda think the worst thing that can happen to me is actually that the business works.  That means that I w have to support myself and scramble to get several offers going so that I can, support myself if one of them fails.

This w mean that I have to rly on myself to keep the money coming in w is super scary; and so many millionaires have said that they struck gold and then went broke again, yikes.

If I make any money at all; It’s possible for me to put it into forex to kinda keep it and grow it.  Idek if I have the skill; tho I made my six percent one month and hopefully Ima sustain it.  All frightening sh.

The business has kinda sucked me in and  become my life; and now the only chance I have rly is to let it consume me completely and let myself become an entrepreneur.

This is my fault.  I w do my positive affirmations about how dope the business is, painting it out to be the best thing ever; w rly it w, bc it gave me self esteem w I had not known since being a teenager.

I then at some point learned that procrastination w bc of not genuinely and authentically seeing me as this person, visualising myself as a successful online marketer.

I then k that I just had to believe, and then it w happen.  I had to let it suck me in as it were, and I have done, and it is my fault now that it has gotten me like fersha the destroying angel.

She is a plant that ate whole humans in prehistoric fictional Earth, and an entity is space that sucks in whole ships and they can’t escape her once her tendrils have touched them.

This is w has happened to me.  There is nothing left but to go all in and accept my fate.  They say be careful w you wish for.

The self esteem is has given me tho is bueno, and I w not wish it any other way.  I just didn’t want to live this life for the rest of my life.  I have a chance of out.  A chance to have money and self esteem and friends.

To be honest, I put this down to following J’s commandments and not to the business, the fact that I w have friends, and a life.

I rly feel that it has done w it said on the tin and healed me.  I now have self esteem.  It’s my choice w I do and I feel I am most comfortable w this.

To Fersha

Kirsty