I’m a little triggered rn. This woman w super rude to me down Ferry Meadows. I said he scared me. She said, oh for God’s sake, he’s only a little boy. I said he nearly walked into my scooter and hurt himself.
According to J’s commandments this is a rly good thing; if my self esteem is so intact that a woman can feel shame just being round me and attack me like that.
It felt like she w attacking me for feeling my feelings as w upset her w me saying how I felt; w shows that she doesn’t feel hers and maybe even finds feeling vile.
I had a good time at pétanque and met a new person w might well be along to play again. The more the merrier.
And all the way home I w feeling so much self worth bc I had literally been attacked bc of my value; as opposed to feeling shame over it.
I had a beer down Ferry Meadows and w having a good time, till that lady who has problems feeling her feelings; again who attacked me bc I have so much value she felt insecure.
I went into ALDI and got some strawberries, then into Sainsbury’s and got some coke, w w super expensive at £2.55 tho that’s okay.
I have skipped a meal and am writing this and then w have something after; I’ve got the oven on. I might actually have beans on toast.
I ate very little for like a week, and then absolutely pigged myself last night. I w feeling super hungry and felt I needed it.
J says jump for joy when people say all kinds of evil bc of me; so that’s what I did.
The weather has been nothing short of amazing, lately. It has been sunny so much and now we have twenty degrees twice in April.
I’m thinking whether I should have said, don’t you dare speak to me that way, Idk.
Of course I felt angry; like how dare someone just try and ruin my day like that. It’s clearly someone who has an empathy problem or they wouldn’t go around hurting people, they couldn’t stomach to see people in pain otherwise.
Tho if I say something to her, does that mean that I have an empathy problem, Idk. I feel confused. Ik it would have stopped the discomfort if I’d told her where to get off. I have these things to learn as I w brought up by someone I feel has ASBD.
It’s just a case of humility and behaving in a way that people w say is correct.
It honestly does feel like one hell of a compliment that she lost it like that bc of the chasm of a difference in our self esteem. I honestly feel that I never need to worry about people like that again; that I just am in another league tbh.
Someone w empathy having empathy for someone who does not have empathy.
My click through rate has soared in my last campaign, tho I still feel that I should run a landing page. If a landing page w increase conversion by ten percent and the click through rate, only reduces ad cost by half then it is still worth doing it, it’s just more profitability there, yk. The click through rate is only increased like that when I don’t have a landing page.
It’s a bold move. It says that I believe in the quality of my landing page, that it w increase the conversion by that amount. It shows that I trust myself, and have the guts to assume this is so w~o any evidence.
I’m crazy enough to do it.
According to my last campaign… the high click through rate, should mean that I get my ads at a cost that means that there’s money in them there hills, yk. It’s quite exciting.
I find the thought of having a business that works super appealing; and the life that comes w it. Tbh it’s all about the self esteem. I feel so much value w~i myself; and Ik that no one has more value than me as value is something that everyone has, whether they realise it or not.
That’s why what this woman said is incorrect. She spoke to me like I had no value. I don’t have time for such nonsense.
I am aware that the world over, parents are abusing their children, Ik only too well. They are robbing them of having a good life bc treating them like dirt so that they don’t think they deserve the best in life.
This is why contemporary psychology is such a good thing. It allows people to feel their feelings, regardless of the attempts of some people to shut them down. It creates a safe space for people to say how they feel.
Feelings are so important. They are literally super healthy.
My feelings tell me that my abusive mother w try her level best to devalue me to the point where she had control over me again and back in an abusive situation.
I have the right to avoid this from happening by not seeing her and cutting her out of my life.
Feelings guide us. If we are scared of something and we listen to our feelings then we are not going to do it and it’s probably gonna be a good choice.
And regardless of whether it is a good choice we have the right to choose and no one healthy is judging is for the choices we make.
I feel so much joy welling up in me when I hold space for the fact that whatever you feel it is your right to make choices based on those feelings.
It’s simply saying that everyone is free.
Kirsty
Miss K 