Hey

I had an unpleasant experience yesterday, when I felt that someone w verbally abusive to me.  I still feel uncomfortable over it as my empathy is leaking cortisol into my mind.

I am confused at J’s commandments over it.  I remember when people used to stare at me and I felt this ruined my day.  Had I have said something to someone back then, I w have been busted down to nothing and never had the self esteem to run the business.  It w have all fallen flat on its face.

And that felt as rude as w this w.  I don’t want to be busted down again.  So I feel I did the right thing not telling her where to get off, as uncomfortable as I may feel over it.

It’s true that G’s commandments come with suffering.  It started the moment I started w them; and that I must suffer to end up w the self esteem I want.

J says that, leap for joy when people insult you on account of me; and this rly is the truth, it is.  It took years of pain before I ended up feeling like this.

To me, J’s commandments are the best thing that life has to offer and I must take them seriously; I must put in the work.  I suppose that I am lucky that I have followed them this far and k how they work; and that they do work.

Talking of being busted down, I feel that is w has happened to her.  I feel that she got too big for her boots and had a go at someone down Ferry Meadows.

There is a parable for this and it is the parable of the wicked servant or ungrateful servant.

I feel so blessed bc I have handled it in the best way possible.  J says, great is your reward in heaven and so it w be.  I am looking at a future of peace; and w probably even not need the level of medication that I am on and may even be looking at coming off it altogether.

Plus I w be hot.  I w be able to handle such comments w~o even breaking a sweat and that is hot.  I’m ngl, I want to be hot, I may even be rn.

And I do see all this w joy.  J says he has hid this from the learned and the wise and revealed it to little children and I feel this to be true.  There is only one way to know of these truths and it is to follow his commandments, and become as a child.

Could this even halt the ageing process, Idk.  People become more and more judgemental as they get older, more moody w all that judgement and bitterness.

I tried to save teenagers from getting older, by following the dogma of adults, and fighting the dogma of adults.  To fight them is to enter into an agreement that allows them to win; and then the teenager loses their youth.

Teenagers have twice the neurons in their brains and when they fight w adults, I feel they lose that and that is why they get depressed when they are leaving their teens.  They are mourning the loss of basically half their mind.

I don’t want to lose the neurons I have built up by following J’s commandments.  I don’t want to end up vicious and aggressive, and as I say, bitter and in emotional pain.

I wonder if it could be true; that curcumin can trigger the anti ageing process.  All anti ageing drugs and there are many, work on the hedgehog pathway, and so does curcumin.

There may come a point of reaching so many neurons in the mind that it triggers the anti ageing process.

I had my Apple photos deleted by I had the information on the anti ageing drugs.  I went back to the website I got them off and wrote them down and later learned this.

Isn’t it weird how turmeric and ginger look the same and both, science n’as say, work on the hedgehog pathway.  They are related.

I suppose that I could fw ginger as well.  A also take high dose of Zinc as it does the same.

There is so much that is hidden from science.  They say that Curcumin only creates new braincells in the hippocampus.  I beg to differ as I feel inside like a teenager and feel this has come from my mind increasing its number of Neurons.

I take Calcium AlphaKetoGlutarate as well.  This is one of the ingredients in one of the anti ageing drugs.  Could it be possible that it w work w any of the hedgehog pathway drugs.

Why do people want to die; there is no need for it; and people fight wars and kill each other as well, it’s like they can’t wait to be a body rotting in the ground.

There is so much evil in the world; could it be that this evil is preventing us from learning how to stay young; w it be any less of an evil than all the killing, they are both death.

I feel that all this killing is bc people eat meat, ergo they feel that killing is totally okay, tho they don’t know that the reaper is coming for them too, he does not mind who he takes.

I feel that the reason I feel I am learning how to avoid this demise is bc I, for the most part have not eaten meat.  I suppose it’s like karme in the Hindu texts.  It’s funny how both these scriptures have the same vibe, the Srimad Bhagavatam and the Bible.

I’ll be the first to say it, we do not need to die.

I feel that me taking this abuse, following clearly the instructions in the Bible is me staying one step ahead of the reaper, as death not only comes as a wooden box, it comes w becoming a bitter person.

Kirsty