Hey

I had bowling; it w fab.

I don’t take for granted the people in my life.  I just show up and hope that they accept me, and they do.  My favourite is knit and natter.  I’m going tomorrow and I’m rly excited about it.

I need to find another activity to do, bc the pétanque is not running from Thursday.  I suppose that it turns into Lawn Bowles bc it’s summer.

This w be the last of the fine weather for a while.  It’s going to be more unsettled.

I’m off to Ferry Meadows soon to do some walking.

In Other News

Empathy is a funny thing.  It’s more about what you don’t think than you do.

It’s a skill that I am still honing.  I need to develop it for being around people.  I suppose that means feeling my feelings more and thinking bad things about people.

Tho it has its good moments too.  This lady told me this story when we were in her car.  It touched me so much that I nearly started crying in Sainsbury’s.

Those are good emotions.  All in all it’s definitely good to have them, I’m just not comfortable thinking trash about people, yk.

I love the way I am developing as a person, and I am forming opinions about the world around me.

Some things also I don’t want to think about.  Like I say empathy is sometimes not thinking as apposed to feeling motivated to think about something.

A good example is racism.  It’s something that I don’t want to think about.  I think it’s empathy’s job to make me feel that I just don’t have time for it.

I feel my feelings so at times I may feel negative feeling about other races, tho only if something has triggered it.  I must feel my feelings always.

Paradoxically, it has had the effect on me that I feel less judgemental towards other races.  One w think that thinking trash about races w make me more racist tho it has been the opposite.

It is this learning and growing that I am most proud of.

I guess I w kinda like a narcissist in the feelings I w having inside; w~o my empathy functioning properly what else w I supposed to think.

I’m still repairing the damage to my mind that w done through emotional abuse, a lifetime of.

I’m still experiencing my empathy repairing itself and allowing me to feel more comfortable around people.

It is a very special time of my life and I love it.

It’s all about new beginnings.  The business is also me starting out, trying to learn a trade so that Ima support myself.

I feel I am learning about the world and growing.  I suppose it’s up to me who I want to become and I don’t want to be who I was, Ik that for sure.

Idk who I w become tho I expect that w following J’s commandments it w be someone I am proud of.

I have no parent telling me that I should be like this or like that.  This makes it hard sometimes as it w be easier; I could just follow the way they are like and be like them.

This makes me feel so lost, tho I trust in G’s commandments to guide me properly; also modern psychology is super useful.

It’s a wonderful experience to learn modern psychology; the fact that I need to validate w people say as anything else is denying their experience.

I have met people who only gaslight and hurt my feelings and I don’t want to be like that.

Also I am aware that they are super ignorant people.  If they deny someone’s experience every time they speak, then they are learning nothing from that person.  That person may as well not be there and they just tell them what so say.

Life is not about manipulation, it is about learning.

I am in the process of learning and I learn a lot, like the story I w told in the car.  I am experiencing the world around me for the first time; and I am full of wonder.

I have just not been aware my whole life, in a stupor of emotional agony, unable to learn anything.

Now, as the information starts to flood in I feel like a plant that is being watered for the first time.  I expect to flourish and I hope that it is beautiful, that I am beautiful.

I just live out every day, hoping that I am a better person tomorrow; trying to make the right choices and give myself a better life.

Idek if my empathy is working properly.  I just hope that I am better tomorrow.  Every kid has to grow up eventually.

The ironic thing is that the more I grow the younger I feel, the more having that child-like peace w~i.

From what I am experiencing about life, I like it, and look forward to tomorrow

To Tomorrow

Kirsty