Hey

I’m rly proud of myself.

I had a sandwich at like five this morning and didn’t have anything all day, and grabbed a sandwich on the way back from Ferry Meadows, when I went to get my shopping.

Food tastes so good when I’ve had to wait.  I wanted a Cadbury’s Cream Egg; tho they didn’t have any.  I’ve got an easter egg in my fridge tho that I may have in a bit.

I am keeping myself healthy bc reducing the amount of food going in.  It w stop me from wanting food all the time w is super healthy.  It w help the insulin system of my body and prevent me from getting diabetes.

I love my life.

I decided to not judge.  I w feeling that people were judging me.  It has made me feel amazing bc I feel that people are not judging me.  It’s such a joyous feeling.

I feel that modern psychology is wrong in when it tells me to feel my feelings.

I have feelings about people that are judgemental; and this is a problem for me.  I feel it’s telling me to do the wrong thing.

I had to give it a go, as out of humility I had to assume that they were right, tho I feel they are not.

I am with G’s commandments.  They have made me a whole new person; and I trust in them to get me to the consciousness I want to have; w is a consciousness of not judging people.

I remember not judging people when I w younger, and I want to be like that again more than anything.

I did some washing today, w w super.  I’m so glad to have a washing machine.

I rang them bc they said that the parts were guaranteed for ten years.  I had assumed that they w replace the machine if anything went wrong; tho it involves an expensive call out fee.

He w offering me insurance tho Idk whether Ima take him up on it as I feel the lie is indicative that I don’t actually need it.

It’s super easy to order another machine; it comes in just a couple of days, and they are super cheap and not rly worth worrying about.  They take the old one away for free as well; and plumb it in and everything.

I now am able to look my best, w w always something that I took for granted, yk; and now when I didn’t have a machine that became harder.  I w running out of the nice clothes I wanted to wear.

I feel safe and secure in always being able to wear nice stuff now.

Nice clothes are like my armour, that I go out in.  They keep me safe.  They make sure that everyone is always nice to me and super kind; that I get to ask the cashier how she is doing and respond.

It allows me to fw all the people at the clubs I go to; and just be treated w respect.

As I am making the effort, so do they.  It’s like a symbiotic relationship.  I have to do what I can, and that is all I can do, apart from keep my flat tidy w increases my self esteem also.

People are so kind to me and it doesn’t feel right to judge them when they are not judging me.

I owe them everything I have.  All the self esteem I have is bc of how good they have always treated me.  Judging them just doesn’t feel right.

They took a broken person, supported me and allowed me to heal, until I started to recover.  I owe them my life.  I’m so crying rn.

It’s such a joke to think that I won’t get the things I need in life.  They are the best.

Even if I died tomorrow, it wouldn’t be about who I was; it w be about how they took care of me so much and allowed me to heal.  It w all be about them and how they treated me.

That’s why the external world is so important in depression.  Seeing that external world as being unfair or unkind, w make the person’s internal way just affect them, and make them how they see the world.

If they see the world as depressing, they w be depressed.  If they see the world as evil, they will be evil.

It rly is true w J’ says about judgement.

The mind creates reality actually w~i itself, and when someone looks out onto the world and deems it unworthy, they are creating unworthiness in the mind, actually w~i themselves.  It’s so sad.

I have my dinner soon.  Idk what time it is.  I have some tartare sauce to have w my fish fingers and hash browns.  I must have some veg w it as well as I have not been eating a lot and need the nourishment.  I w have broccoli and spring onions.  It should be a nice meal.

I suppose my armour has my self esteem shining out from w~i me for all to see; and J says let your light shine for others to see.

This is all J has done for me; and that is why I find it easy to follow his commandments instead of contemporary psychology.  I have that faith that they w give me w I need.

I w never happy w judging people.  I never used to and I don’t want to again.

I have to turn it up a notch and don’t know how to.  There is the parable of the ten minas.  I have to take all I have and just invest even more in J.  Idk what that w look like tho Ik that it’s gonna be pretty dope.  He never stops giving and I hope to never stop accepting.

These commandments are so amazing; and I love them, love J and love myself.  J’s name is YesYouAre and I suppose I am.

To YesYouAre

Kirsty