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I’m still progressing on my quest to Idk.

I looked at this chick, she’s an actress.  It showed her ageing through the years.  She was 36 and she looked to young.  I w totally shocked.

I think people from this generation w live much longer.  I mean at that age, she should be showing some signs of age tho isn’t.

And then I got to thinking that maybe fifty isn’t that old.

I did actually look at my reflection in my phone and my eyes looked super young.  That shocked me too.

I am actually ageing backwards.  I feel this is due to the cortisol in my body reducing.  I do look younger as time passes; I still have my grey hair tho.

W the mice who lived thirty percent longer taking CaAKG, they had their grey hair disappear.  I’m hoping this happens to me.  I already have less grey hair than I used to.

I’m hoping that the combination of Cur cumin and CaAKG will unlock the potential of me to reverse my age.

In the meantime, J’s commandments allow me to keep my mind young.  And I’m super grateful that Ima watch stuff that is like rly youthful on Netflix.  I feel so blessed to have that kind of thing on my phone and it just makes me feel so good I could squeal.

I decided to incorporate CBD into my daily routine.  I found out that immunotherapy works super well for cancer, even the most aggressive.  This made me think that CBD would be a good idea; as it stimulates the immune system.

There is actually a special helipad that CBD lands on on immune cells, w w mean that they respond well to it.

I’m rly good w the supplements; and I only fear that taking too much of all kindsa stuff can be bad.

I w wondering if I look back at being fifty and think that it w not that old and that I wasted my life, not realising that; tho that w never happen bc I am properly living my life.  It’s food for thought tho.

It is real to say that I get younger and younger.  Maybe this is my recompense for not having a life when I w younger.  I feel that emotional abuse robbed me of like thirty years of the best years of my life.  Only it is proving out that the present time is the best years of my life.

The only thing that c get me is sin.  I am aware that should I sin, it c completely erase all the work I have done.  It’s a lot of responsibility to keep things going.

Idk how young I c get, how good I c make this, my life.  I think if Ik exactly how dope I c be in my older years I w just keep on w them; forever.

It’s just believing.  It’s just having the faith of what only time can tell me.

I feel that this is w everyone needs, faith.  Maybe Ima show people through my blog w happens w J’s commandments.

I rly k the power of them, and feel if I show someone that, then they w have the benefit of something that I didn’t have when I started.

I w just so low that I needed something to change.  I get on G, bc, I felt that if I didn’t, it w mean that for me G didn’t exist and I couldn’t bear that.  So I chose G; and now I have fw J’s commandments for about five years now, for me G does exist and I’m so happy I bet on her.

I feel the bridge of my nose becoming more feminine.  I feel by touching my face where my bridge should be and Ik that given time it w move more to that look.

My face has changed all be it slowly.  I am infinitely more attractive than when I w suffering horrendous emotional abuse.  I used to be scared of looking in the mirror.

Tbh honest, sometimes I still am.  Like when I’m triggered, I feel so ugly and it’s like my worth is tied up in how I look at that moment and I look in the mirror, and I feel it proves to me how worthless I am, I feel in the moment.

I still regress into feeling utterly worthless at the drop of a hat.

Tho it is fading.  It w take years for me to look female.  I suppose it’s inner prejudices that make me feel like I have no value, so not judging w be a good way to feel better about myself.

I judge people so therefore I feel that people are judging me.  And it’s hard being around older people, bc they seem more judgy.

It fades, over time it fades, and therefore Ik that I w be more at peace in years to come; and value myself and just be so much doper.

Ik that it takes a super long time to change; and at the same time, Ik that the amount of change I have seen in the last two years has been truly out of this world; it’s a paradox.

If I c just stop wanting all that change at once.  Too much change w be super bad for me.  Imagine I woke up tomorrow and w the me I should be in ten years after working on myself like f’ery McCluckery.  It w be so much of a shock that it w kill me.

I couldn’t reconcile the difference between who I w yesterday and who I am today.  It’s just so frustrating, I wan it now.  Ngl, I wan it so bad, ugh.

The world can’t handle this much dopeness, somebody stop me, to quote Jim Carey.

Just think in thirty years we w all be looking at the films and music of ‘today’ and be finding it such stupid nonsense, just like we do now about the stuff of the past.  Idek what I’m saying here, I’m confusing myself.

Like why am I tripping over grey hair, like Ima be real w you, it just outs me as someone old.

Is it something that society says is bad; you betcha.  F this sh, I don’t like this.

I used to have an anxiety attack around anyone young.  I felt so badly lost it it w super unpleasant.  I hated the damn bus, always damn kids on it.  I could stay near enough away from them just walking about, tho when sat next to them and them talking and sh I rly started to sink, into feeling f demented.

To Feeling Demented Bc It Means I’m Not

Kirsty