Hey

The decision

It means that I’m probably gonna have a few challenging days.

Like, today; I w sat there and I felt like I w off my head, like I w super high or something.  I w buzzing my tits off and just having trouble handling it.

W it means is that Ima get a job.  It also means that Ima be able to handle the work I’m doing.

This w actually help the business.  It w allow me to just fw it w|o getting ripped up.  It w allow me to run the business better.

Luckily I have not been needing to do too much and I w still carry on f like this.  It clearly is working like gangbusters.

It doesn’t mean anything other than it is a good thing.

In Other News

I have decided to not ask myself… how something works or what it means.  This has been a huge revelation for me.

It has come at just the right time.  It w help me to not have positive symptoms, from stopping the meds.

I rly see now how much of an enemy judgement is.  It needs to be eradicated fully.  There w be no peace until it is gone.

What I mean is that..  Idk, what am I saying here.  Tbh Idk what it w be like to not judge tho I feel that it w be better.

Anxiety comes from judgement for sure.

Another thing

The vibe fairy.  She is a funny bi.  She can land on anyone.

Like for example, say someone is for the high jump.  It might not fall on them.  The vibe fairy is just looking for the person who is the best fit for the vibe and it w go to that person; regardless of who w actually to blame.  Who is to blame actually has only a certain amount of say in it.

It’s like the bowling.  The bad luck fairy can land on anyone; and should I not accept her antics it well can land on someone else; allowing me to just avoid that feeling of being like down in the dumps or whatever.

And I’m able to feel when that vibe is about, when that fairy is trying to bestow on someone a vibe.  I suppose Ima steal the good vibes of some unsuspecting n’a or absolutely avoid like the plague a good roasting.

I’m thinking about not judging and the reality that comes w it.

Like when I w younger, I didn’t judge anyone.  Idk, I’m not touching that, I do feel that I used to judge to come degree.

I’m in love w life, Ima be real about that.  Coming down on meds has given me an insight into how it w feel when I am on like half what I w on.

It w feel amazing.  A little peek into it; and I wonder when it w be that I go down to half.  I’m hoping that it w be in July.  I think it w be, bc.. three months is enough to get used to the deal and he said that he wanted me the f off it.

I can fw that, that it w take three months and then I w be feeling like I feel now.  I mean I’be been waiting like thirteen years to be where I am.

You know, this is f monumental.  I have been against this sh for like, fighting tooth and nail to not be on it.

I’ve done a good job of recovery rly.  I mean, I get to my destination eventually and that is all anyone can ask.

I have my life back.  Ima be real w you.  The only thing that w stopping me from having a life w my medication.  It makes me feel like Ima not tolerate anyone.

It may seem that that is my problem tho it’s not.  It’s kinda like being totally f off my f head like real bad.  I’m just so f irked by every little f thing that people do.

Like I n’a.. I feel that they are racist, and I just have no time for this person.  In fact I can’t be around them at all.  Like any annoying little thing that people do; and I’m vexed w this person and can’t handle being around them.

That’s all the meds.  It kinda makes me angry at anything I can possible be angry at, that’s all.

Yes there is an element of me judging the f out of people and just feeling them worthless and being just icked at them into an anxiety attack.

Ik that I sound sad af right about now.

The vibe fairy is out and she is looking for blood; tho I am done here and I’m heading home

To The Vibe Fairy