Hey

I am sitting down Ferry Meadows, having a flask of Coke Zero and just enjoying the sunshine.

I loved having my beers this week.  It w such a nice hit having them down the windmill.  It feels so much better to have a beer at a pub, being around other people, as opposed to on my own, or walking round that lake.

I must cool it w the beers tho.  I have been having one every day, and that kinda takes the fun out of it.  I definitely want to have one Thur and Fri tho, as it is something to do on those days.

I’m about to assemble my doob and have a blast on it.  Tokes good.

I kinda felt low mood today; bc of not having a beer.  That is why I want to cool it w it.

The truth is is that I am a total lightweight and I just..

I need to amend my ad that sends traffic to my landing page.  It says up to 50% off, whereas the actual products that it links to are less.

I managed to like put the ad on my landing page.  It’s a landing page/ad.  It’s like something that allures customers to buy that they have given me to use; w rly helps me bc, it w be a lot of work had I need to create my own.

The truth is is that Idk how.  I w have to learn and that w be a bummer.  Better to just be able to plonk it on and hopefully make some money.

I feel super lucky that they have provided this for me.  The ad is running and I should see some income soon.

Idk how much confidence I have in all this tho it is looking good rn.

I have set my ads to show just enough to make a little extra money each week.  It’s a very exciting time.  I feels like my first time making money online even tho it is not, or maybe I actually don’t know.

I remember seeing this interview w someone super successful on Shopify.  They said that the first time they made money online it showed them that it w possible and that w it for them, they were off to the races.

This kinda means the same thing for me.  I have the perseverance tho I don’t have the desire.  Once I want it like f, I should have no problem motivating myself to getting after it.

I should then have the energy to just learn how to create a landing page that sells, and like I say, I w be off  to the races.

It’s all about energy.  I need to have the excitement for it; to be totally stoked like f to be lucky enough to be doing this.

I have been doing it for years and I am so lucky that I have all that behind me.  It rly has put me in a good position.

I rly want some extra money and I w be able to just splurge on nice things.   I rly want to get out of where I am living.  I feel that it is toxic.  I just vibe more w people who don’t push my boundaries, and I feel I w be more chill; hell, my late friend told me that, don’t it make a difference where you live, and that rly stuck w me.  It is like a gift she has given me even tho she is no longer w us.

I miss her, tho she had done super well at getting on in years and in that regard it just feels so good that she lived such a full life.

I realize that I am the problem.   I think people are doing stuff they are not doing.  This comes from me judging people; and it turns in on myself.  I actually judge myself the same way that I judge others and it destroys my self esteem from time to time.

Ik that everyone struggles and that I’m not a narcissist or anything.  I just don’t want to be thinking bull sh thoughts about people, yk.  It’s giving me anxiety thinking that they are up to like sh against me.

That’s the whole point of everything I do, that it lowers my anxiety.  That’s why I started following J’s commandments like five years ago bc I w a total wreck.  I w so anxious that I w miserable like most of the time, like rly suffering w super duper high cortisol levels.

I remember each time I w triggered, I just got swept up into a journey of pain that w last all day, or part of it.

I’m lucky to be on the other side of it, where I’m just looking to lower my anxiety a little bit so that I don’t like get triggered so much.  Wouldn’t we all like that, we w all like to not get triggered so much, and I have the key to being able to handle the world around me.

Tbh I just feel so guilty taking people for sh, yk.  It just makes me kinda feel like a monster, I’ll be honest.  It hurts that I feel these feelings about people.  I just can’t be that person.

To Less Anxiety

Kirsty