One of the guys from pétanque helped me home w my lupin that I bought, w w rly nice. It w a real challenge getting it home and we nailed it; as a team w totally nailed it.
I had a good time yesterday at the Windmill and w a little poorly the day before tho it is a rly nice place to go and a good time.
I’m thinking about taking my scooter to Stamford, w w be nice. It w give me the chance to get out and go somewhere different. Stamford is a rly wealthy town tho Ima roll w that.
The business is going fantastic. The price I pay should change for my ads bc so many people are clicking on them, making them one third the price w should suddenly make my whole marketing system profitable.
It may or may not happen, Idk, tho I am getting closer to a working business, all the time w every thing I do to try and make things work.
I go to a lot of clubs and have met some rly nice people. I am understanding them more and more and valuing them more.
It’s rly a learning process; learning about what people are like. It has allowed me to feel safe around them, w is super. I’m not as scared of people now that I have been fw them a lot.
My life feels full bc of being around people and just fw them. I like my week and have nice things to do, nice people to be around.
I’ve also figured something out w the business. When I buy like lots of ads, I get them like way cheaper.
So this is w I have done. I have increased my daily ad spend to like £2.50. It’s not a lot, tho I am only looking to make like one hundo and fifty a week, atm.
It’s not like I’m totally crazy and don’t want to make a decent amount of money, it’s just that I want to test the business and make sure that it works, before gunning the ads and rly bringing in the loot.
It’s super hands off and once running w bring in the dosh w|o me doing f all on it. It’s literally not having to go to work every day w is super.
I told my Benefits people that my diagnosis has changed and they told me to give it to them in writing, w I w do as soon as I have picked it up. The receptionist at the CPFT kindly printed it off just the front page w nothing on the back.
I’m a little scared bc, well of having a relapse should they decide that they want me to work. Going down on my medication I feel is dangerous and I just don’t want any stress while I am making the transition, tho however they will it that it w I w do.
Getting help w my Lupin w so much fun, it rly ticked all the right boxes, and it w nice to do it w someone Ik bc it has allowed us to connect rly, like working on something together like that.
Like I say we got to mine and it all worked out, and it rly w all on the fly, figuring it all out on the way.
I needed a lot of zhè when I w ill and I w taking aspirin and smoking a hell of a lot and drinking coffee. It might even have been covid bc my lungs were hurting.
Now I am luckily able to do much less and just calm all that down a lot. I don’t want to be doing all I w doing, I just needed it; w is rare for me bc even when I have the flu, I just normally need aspirin and that’s it.
Also doing these drugs wasn’t a problem. Like normally in social situations, for example when I’ve had a coffee, I w start to like have dehumanisations of the people I’m fw that w cause anxiety; tho these have petered out over the weeks that I have been fw them and, they’re just not that much of a problem anymore; w is rly super.
The reason I w feeling them w bc I w rly struggling being around people. I feel I have been totally isolated from all regular people and just trapped w those w ASBD, in the past.
So being around these regular people w hard for me and that’s why I w having these dehumanisations of them. It rly w the things that someone w ASBD w think about them. I’ve kinda been trained to have the thought processes of someone w ASBD.
So I had to totally rewire myself in the time that I have spent fw w all these decent people; and that’s why doing all those zhè, and I w still okay.
It just shows that things are getting better for me.
It is so nice to be able to handle being around people. I used to be scared of work situations bc I thought that I w just be taken advantage of sexually the minute I got in the door. I had a bad experience at work that led me to believe that all people were just total monsters, and that they thought that someone w evil if they weren’t having sex and that they had to sleep w someone on the team or else.
I am glad to say that after being around people doing all these clubs that I am feeling much safer around them; and this rly has been the biggest gift that I have gotten from them.
My psychiatrist even says that w w causing my schizophrenia w bc I just couldn’t handle being around people, and he w right.
So all these clubs have actually healed me and I just love them so much for taking the time on me to just give me a chance as it has, like I say, actually healed me and allowed me to be sociable.
To Being Sociable
Kirsty
Miss K 