I have plumped for having a beer today; down Ferry Meadows. I w drink my Coke first to get the right hit. It’s weird bc w a downer I like an upper and w an upper I like a downer.
There is a festival on, so I might check it out. It w be nice to be around people after my beer. The sun just came out.
I rly have discovered that not judging is the holy grail of.. I think it’s the cause of all anxiety, in all people.
And I see that everyone struggles. Everyone has their problems and is finding it hard through life. They do the best they can and that is all they can do.
I suppose my self esteem is affected and that is why I try to judge people; as some kind of explanation of why I feel the way I do, kinda like I am blaming it on them. Everyone suffers w their self esteem
I’m now getting my beer out.
That is where triggers come from; they come from low self esteem; and judging people w keep that self esteem low by creating a reality where people are like up to something against me.
Jesus talks of agitation in the Gospel Of Thomas. This w when I just got triggered by so many things that people did; and then it says you will be astounded; and I feel this means that realising that no one w up to anything anyway.
It’s about feeling safe, like I now feel for fw people and learning what they are like. It has killed the fear that w in me.
Judgement is similar. W|o it it just feels safe everywhere from people trying to lower my self esteem. The world literally feels safer.
I went to my vape shop and bought a vape. I had stopped buying the lost Mary ones bc the automatic firing w not working tho I thought I w give it another try.
I’ve started on the AI, creating a landing page thingy. It should be super easy bc I already have the main part given to me by the company I am publishing for. I just need three points of about ten to fifteen words to put underneath and a buy button.
That is why I am using AI, bc I have no clue what to put. I need it to turn visitors into customers and only the proper text w do this.
It asks me questions about the company and about the customers, and then writes it.
I say Ik that judging is bad tho it is hard not to do. I think everyone’s mood goes up and down depending on how they are judging people. It’s a totally normal thing; tho it does not need to be that way.
People say that there w be no good times w|o the bad, tho I disagree. I feel it’s possible to be feeling good all the time.
I also resonate w younger people and they judge less. They are much more open minded. This means that I have no choice but to not judge as it allows me access to their reality.
The shows I watch that have young people are my highest joy and I am committed to leaning into that. Leaning into it is what got me here and Ik that more of the same is what I need.
Not judging also brings me closer to older people too. They have a lot of ways that younger people don’t vibe w, like the fact that they are far less likely to validate what they say. This takes less judgement to accept. It rly is a win all round.
I don’t k if that’s fair to older people, like saying if I enjoy younger peoples’ company more, Idk if that is true.
It’s being allowed into all worlds regardless of the culture. Maybe I should travel and this w be a rewarding experience as being able to accept their ways should be pretty easy.
I had to stop travelling to wealthy towns tho. It made me judge the people here, tho I must not judge them either, and be able to have as much fun fw them as anyone.
I recently wanted to be a girl who can do both, be like.. Idk how to explain it, like in the lower class and in the upper one as well.
Not judging should allow me to do this, w rly reassures me; bc I w scared of being stuck in one class and not being able to fw the other; being shut out like excluded.
To Not Being excluded
Kirsty
Miss K 