Hey

I picked up my puffer jacket today.  It’s super warm w w be nice.  I bought it for the winter.  The sale is on now and I’ve got it cheap.

There are some other things on sale in the July; w I w have a look at.  I’m hoping to get the future light jacket cheaper as well, tho it looks like it’s going to sell out before then.

I have found that doing lots of stimulants doesn’t even matter.  I used to struggle w drinking coffee and then feel like Ima be killed; now I have nicotine and caffeine and I’m fine.

I’ve put on sun screen and it has made me feel weird.  That’s the reason I don’t like sunscreen and I think I’m not going to wear it.

I had a nice talk today w the guys about serial killers and such.  They enjoy watching the crime shows like Judge Rinder and stuff and we had a good natter and agreed that if challenged, people w ASBD w absolutely kill if their authority is threatened.

I am just feeling so good about the connections I have made.  I rly enjoyed bowling today and w thinking about doing something else from the U3A.

I’ve not been able to go to Ferry Meadows today, bc it’s just too late, I had to pick up my jacket; so I’m writing my blog at home, and may go out after, if I’ve got time.

I managed to get two bottles of coke from One Stop for three fifty and might go there next time I need some.  It saves going all the way to Sainsbury’s and carrying it home, it’s quite heavy, and can squash other stuff.

I’m trying to not think too much, my thoughts are always trying to torture me.  I wonder if doing more activities w take my mind off it, always wondering about bad things happening to me.

I am trying to save as much money as possible.  It’s like a game going shopping seeing how much Ima get w the money I have.

The business is working fine and I need to learn how to market stuff, tho atm it may be enough to just have a rly strong CTA, call to action, on my landing page.

It’s not even knowing whether I w make money doing it.  I think I w ask AI what are the strongest call to actions Ima put on my landing page for the product I am selling.

Idk whether my landing page is supposed to be used w three columns of copy to increase sales.  I’ll have to look on my merchant’s page to see if there is anything that I am supposed to put w it.

I realise that at some point I w be rewarded for all the work I am or have been putting into all this.

I used to rly need nice stuff to buy for my self esteem, tho I just identify as poor now and am okay w not having anything nice.  I prefer to wear nice clothes tho I am comfortable w my level of income.

Tho when it comes to socialising I feel safer around people who don’t need anything from me, bc they have enough.

I love hearing about the holidays they have been on.  Like this one girl went to Turkey and said all the men were leery and horrible and I w not go there now.

I love it too when people sl people off.  I love it when they are pi at someone and are explaining w is w w them.

I never k that people finding people douche bags could be so much fun and it is one of my favourite things.

Somehow it just makes me feel validated as a human.  From time to time I feel scared that I have ASBD and no one knows it, and when I hear talk like that I just feel human and in my feelings I feel so good.  It’s nice to feel like a normal person.

Ik I’ve been abused and still feel like the problem; tho when I hear that stuff I feel validated in feeling that I am from an abusive situation and it just makes me feel so amazing.  The shame I feel just kinda goes away for a little while.

I never talk sh about people tho.  J’s commandments don’t allow me to judge people.  Except the other day, when this kid w acting all big, I felt, and said to me no problem, your welcome for simply letting me pass.  It’s a given that people do that w|o politeness and I feel he doesn’t even know that.

Tho Ik that that is just judgement.  Ik that that is not where he w coming from, it just seemed like it, tho I w kinda pi and that is w I w thinking.  Idk either way tho I don’t worry about it.

I don’t like moaning tho.  I feel that some people are just trying to bring other people down w their negativity; in a subconscious fashion.

To People Calling Others Out On Their Bull sh

Kirsty