Hey

It’s about the feeling; this morning, and it has stayed w me.

I just suddenly started feeling like I felt when I w.. Idk, down somewhere around Baker Street.

I thought people were trying to pull me down out of that like reality or something; tho the truth of it is is that they are actually trying to push me up there.

And w their help I have had and still have I guess that feeling inside.

It’s changed.  It’s not outside of me.  It’s not something that I feel from going somewhere.  It is w|i and it just keeps kinda popping up.

I had to stop trying to, not force it tho like create it.  It comes when it is ready.

I went for a walk and I felt it then.  I w in a good mood.

I’m down the pub rn.

I think I might be hallucinating.

When I hallucinate; it’s like everyone is saying like hateful stuff.  In fact that is exactly what it is.  That is what I am hearing, everywhere I go.

It’s not voices in my head per se, bc it’s things that I think people are saying.

I’m kinda expecting this bc of lowering my medication; and that is why I think it is happening.

It is something that I found it hard to accept for many years; even tho I turned around and there w no one there.

Ik I must love my neighbour as myself.  It’s about blaming them for the fact that I don’t feel anything when I hear them speak; like it must be their fault, bc they like have a void w|i that means that the things that they say don’t feel of anything.

The truth is that the void is w|i me; makes me feel kinda somber; tho I have been feeling full feelings when listening to my neighbours lately and I kinda take it for granted now.

This means that I have been wrong about them for years; like I say, blaming them for the fact that I had nothing inside.

I got my new jacket and am wearing it today bc it’s super cold.  I feel like a million dollars.

So.. that feeling has nothing to do w money.  Like I literally have nothing.. and I am able to feel Mayfair vibes.  It’s just a pleasant feeling that I like to feel

It feels good.  When I feel it I am in a good mood; and like I say, people want me to feel that way.  They actively like support me in feeling it.  I suppose they get something out of it as well, bc.. just like I did when I went to Mayfair.  I supported them in feeling it, bc it felt amazing to just feel that vibe.  This literally blows my mind.

I’m absolutely wasted off my beer and I’ve only had half.

I’m rly happy that I’ve managed to stay w|i my budget when I have been shopping.  I’m five pounds up so I have some wiggle room.

I bought some Golden Delicious apples, bc I have figured out that if I eat a fruit when it’s late at night and I am absolutely starving it will do me a lot of good.

I am trying to get rid of my mid riff.  Ik that it is insulin resistance.  I have also been taking inulin w is to feed my bacteria in my gut bc I have heard that when they are happy they make me feel like I’m happy; and not hungry.

I have to erm have a test for my heart, bc of having chest pains.  Personally I don’t think it’s a problem and neither does my Doctor tho I wanna get it done.

It w mean travelling to like Papworth w is like far away and it w be like when I travelled to Stamford for that appointment.

Things went pretty smoothly and it w a nice day out.  It w so nice to be there, the doctor I spoke to was so nice; and she w so honest w me about how it had taken forever to get the appointment and it w almost like she w sorry for getting me all the way down here.

To Vibes That Come From w|i

Kirsty