Hey

I’m down Ferry Meadows again, with a Coke Zero, and a beer.  I rly love my treat that I have.

Both times I have a beer, I like to drink Coke Zero first.  I had reduced the amount of caffeine I w having every day, tho this is just a little.

It’s so crazy hot.  I has been the best summer ever; even better than the summer of 2000.  I’m  now opening my beer.

My friends have been talking about the summer of 76.  Their opinion is that it w be the same this year.  This is good news to me.  I am loving it.

Feeling my emotions is a tricky thing.  I feel them bc I don’t want to judge, then I have to stop when they make me judge; so I guess there’s kinda a sweet spot.

The business is going well.  I am able to not worry about it.  I just figure that eventually things w be where I want them to be; in actual fact they are now, and w only get more so.

I got some help from Google Ads that w invaluable; tho Ima carry on as I am.

I’ve done a complete 180 when it comes to how I feel about Google Ads Help.  I originally found it gaslighty and emotionally abusive, no use to man no beast.  Now I feel that they are the best ever.

Maybe w has actually changed is me, inside, fundamentally; allowing my perception to see things as they rly are.

I have always said that seeing the world w|o judgement means that it’s a nicer world w means that Ima not be depressed.  It’s funny; do Doctors even k this, do they lean into this when helping people w depression.

I have to accept that my judgements of all people w melt away, extrapolating this further.  That is what I want.  I don’t want to judge anyone, that is the goal; and I’m getting more like that, w feels good.

I’m getting pretty sloshed off this pint.

I am hoping that the calories in it w do me until Ima get to town and buy a sandwich.  I don’t want eating to kill my buzz.

I have no clue w the business.  I don’t k what stage I am at w it; and that is super okay w me.  I don’t ever want to feel that this is it, I am right here at the point of ‘success’.  Success is being a more righteous person than before.  It w only cause immense pain to suddenly feel like I w totally wrong and Idek what Ima do to repair things.

I am reducing my medication in the summer, and what a summer to do it.  Can’t speak for what my psychiatrist w do when I see him in about ten days, tho.

Why should I speculate, trying to predict the future.  I can’t concoct the future from w|i my own mind so Ima just let it play out.  Yes.  I’m scared that it w not be the right time to go down further.

You see, the things is is that.. reducing further w allow me to feel my feelings more, and, allow me to feel less triggered all the time.  It w feel much better than my current reality.

I long for that, I rly do, and w like to tell myself that that’s gonna happen, tho what if it doesn’t.  That w leave me feeling horrible after getting my hopes up.

I’m feeling way to sloshed already and there half a can left.

I figure that as beer w make a person overweight, it has enough calories for now.

I now k that there are two busses t hat go up to the village. And they are spaced roughly half an hour, forty minutes apart, w is well perfect for me.  Ima just take a stroll up there and wait.

To Summer

K