Hey

I am due to see my psychiatrist in a week.  I’m scared that he w lower my medication and I w have a relapse.

I feel like I’m losing it.  I spoke to this girl in Greggs, and I had this experience where I w hear her thoughts, and Ik that that is crazy.

Maybe it’s normal at times.  Ik that sex can make people think that they are psychic,  they call it vision.

So I definitely w out of my mind, tho it might be a normal thing.

Tho it’s frightening and I just don’t like this, reducing my medication.  Tho like I say, maybe normally I am a little crazy, and that’s normal.

My vision is going funny.  I get this whirly swirly thing in my vision.  It is in both eyes, so it’s not my eyes.  I’m having trouble seeing as I type.  It’s right in front of where I am looking.

It should be gone in about five minutes.

Google now has AI, to help me w ad copy, w is good.  It automatically does good ad strength stuff.  I have been struggling to get good ad strength, and worry that I’m missing out on cheap ads bc of this.  My ad strength atm is poor.

I have upped my bid for my ads to 70p.  This should tho won’t definitely mean this, that there is profitability in my business.

I do it on a numbers based approach, using a formula; to test offer viability.  It’s very simple and hardly scientific tho kinda scientific at the same time.  The formula w actually written by a scientist, and I’ve had use of formulas as a Chemist.

The swirly thing in my vision is stopping me from typing as it’s hard to see.

I had this experience where there is no point judging people bc the w never do anything to hurt me.  Like, when triggered and feeling that someone w super mean.

J says to allow someone to slap me in the face, and then turn the other cheek to him and offer him that one, and I get why he says that; bc no one w actually do anything to hard me and if they are doing that then there must be a mosquito on me or something.

In contemporary psychology, it goes to challenge someone who I feel has said something horrendous, tho I tried this and it just left me feeling horrible bc what I said sounded like it w one of those comments, so I’d rather just take the slap on the cheek and walk away.

That way I don’t feel like I c have said something that left someone feeling that way, maybe.

Then it reinforced the strength of my faith to not judge people, that there w rly no point to it.

I w say thing to people in my head that was mean; and I mustn’t even think this.  I just feel so moved as to there being no point, as I am never in any risk of them doing this to me.

Yes, the whole thing is rly moving; as J’s commandments have just Idek how to explain it; left me feeling this way.  It’s rly the ability to handle what people say and not judge them.

Who w have thought that practising not judging people w lead to the ability to actually understand where they were coming from and be more firmly rooted in reality.

I explain it w brain mapping; that w less of my mind taken up w judgement there is more room for awareness; and it has sharpened me, Ima be real w you.

The swirly thing in my vision has now almost gone, it is just in my periphery.

I used to struggle being around young people bc I felt that I had totally lost it, a highly unpleasant feeling; and now I just love their energy and don’t feel intimidated by them.  In fact I had a nice comment from a young girl the other day.  She said, well on; and I guess that whatever I’m doing, I should just keep doing it; kid approved.

To J’s commandments

PS

I am still taking supplements that stimulate the hedgehog pathway.  I thought that I need not take them anymore as J’s commandments w stimulate my hedgehog pathway for me; tho then I realised that J used to take supplements.  So I’m totally back on them; in fact taking more ginger than before.

K