Hey

I just got back; from knit and natter

I haven’t checked on the business.  It won’t be doing anything for four days, as I’ve just changed the campaign.

I’ve been feeling my feelings more.

The first time I felt my feelings, all I did w judge people, and I had to stop after about two days; feeling horrible, as it had affected my self esteem.

Now Ik that it’s a much more subtle thing than that.  It just requires a little.  A little goes a long way.  Just need to pick up on those social clues yk.

It helps w decision making as well.  It all flows when I am feeling my feelings.

I saw this guy in town who looked dope af.  He said I do look amazing.

I w in this bright coral top; covered by a light blue waterproof.

I left my sandwich at the group, and I may have to get it back tomorrow, if they let me have it.

I’ve cut down on caffeine and alcohol, tho it’s early days and I’m still jonesing.  The rest of the day is looming w|o the thought of another coffee.  I’ll be able to have some CBD later.  I still have food left for the day.

I need to pop out and get my parcel that is at the post office.  I’m royally knackered.  I’ve done four miles today.  Just wanna have a rest before I start thinking of things Ima do.

For some reason, I feel like I can’t sit down, so I may get after it after I’ve done this.

The business can wait, as always, till tonight.  Like I say, nothing w be happening, tho I need to look just in case.

I’m happy w who I am as a person, and all Ima rly do is just be the same, and I should be good.  I should get better w age.

It w be dope to reduce my medication, as it is the thing that I feel I’m missing.  It feels like it’s nagging away at me all the time.

And at the same time, I’m just so scared bc yesterday I had the experience of hearing someone’s thoughts in my head w doesn’t exactly scream mental health, unless that type of thing is totally normal for some people.

It might be normal for me, bc I w having that experience and lots of other stuff at Uni; and then when I came back it had totally all stopped; so yea, it might be normal for me and nothing to worry about.

I’m looking forward to my beer on Thur; as I only have two pints a week w makes the buzz much better; and the buzz of my caffeine also hits me hard.

Ik that having more won’t make me feel any better.  It w increase the cravings as opposed to quell them.

There is a part of me that just wants to do hella caffeine bc then I watch YouTube a lot more; nowadays I just don’t feel like it and that is a downside of all this; I guess.

I suppose everything in life is a happy medium.  Maybe it’s like feelings and a little goes a long way.

I rly want to get some CBD tea, bc it gives me a rl nice feeling; similar to the head rush feeling of the other things that I fw.  I’m actually serious about that.  Kinda wondering why the hell I didn’t think of that before.  I love the feeling so much, tho at times it can be a little too much.

Some things seem to be toxic tho in actual fact it is the other things that are done at the same time that f the head up.  Sometimes the law is right and some things are not good for some people.  I feel that I am one of them.

To Balance

K