Hey

I’m down Ferry Meadows, getting some relaxation in, before Heading to croquet.

It’s a nice warm day with no rain; hopefully.

I totally didn’t want another coffee after my morning brew.  That cafetière coffee.. I just felt well high and didn’t want to freak out.

I do everything, make every choice bc of anxiety.  I think everyone does.  This is the wonder of empathy.  There were times when I didn’t k how to do that and w be in horrendous anxiety the whole time bc of never being able to give myself a break.

My boss taught me how to be kind to myself by being kind to me all the time.  I then started treating myself the same way, it only made sense.

It’s started to rain and I have faith in the weather forecast that it won’t turn into anything.

I looked at the weather forecast for two years and it never let me down.  That was Dark Sky, that w later incorporated into the weather app.

I’m drinking Coke Zero.

It’s still warm tho.

There is no way that this w last more than five minutes as a 4% chance of rain never lasts longer than this.

I have noticed something; that being negative can ruin my entire day; so it’s best for me not to dwell on triggering things that have happened, especially when they happen in the morning.

Or at any other time rly.  This woman I felt stared at me, and I just let it go.  There is this good feeling that comes along as I start to heal after a trigger, and I w just looking forward to that.

This is w I must guard myself against while on less medication.  Should anything triggering happen I must not judge on it.  I must free myself to be relaxed again.  This is a rly good thing that Ima do for myself to keep myself safe from having a relapse.

It’s my responsibility.  The buck stops w me.  It is in my power to become ill or cope w the reduction in medication and the answer is in how I think.  It rly can make that difference.  It’s kinda scary tho Ima just do my best and hopefully crush it.

Then I w be on less for good and this dosage w see me through the winter and then there can be another reduction in the spring.

It w be nice to be on this dosage of medication 

There w a two minute shower.  It’s now stopped.  I hid under a tree.

Again, it w be nice to be on this dosage of medication tho I can’t take it for granted.  Like I say, it depends on me whether this works or not.  There w be less side effects.  Ima feel my feelings more now and it’s my responsibility to make sure that I continue to be able to do so.

The business w just have to wait.  I don’t need the stress rn.  Idk whether I w do the application of registering a vehicle either.  I’ll see how I feel this evening.

At least w that there is no chance of me being sucked into something.  Ima just put it down when it becomes too much.  Idk.  I rly need to make sure that I hit this out of the park, there is no in between.

I don’t mind putting things down for a couple of weeks.  It all can wait.  This matters more to me than anything.  Feeling my feelings is something that I have wanted all my life from being a teenager onwards, and there is no way Ima screw this up.

To Feelings