Hey

I felt like I w having a relapse, yesterday; however, I never had the sleepy thingy when I wake up panicking so maybe I am okay.

I asked the man to ask my Doctor to up my medication, tho Idk whether I w take the old dose, as like I said, I never woke panicking.

I rly want to move to London.  This is a hard thing to feel, bc all my friends are here in Peterborough and they mean so much to me.

Croquet is going super well, and I kinda figured it to learning to sing, that it takes hella time to get good at it.

I’m up at like, Idk what the time is tho it’s major early, like one am or something.

When I came down from 4mg to 3mg I thought I w losing it for sure.  I woke up panicking and I thought, that’s it, I’m having a relapse for sure, tho the next day I w fine.

Today is beerzie day.  I w go down the pub, and have either Cruzecampo or Guinness.  They are strong beers and I get well wasted of one pint; well, the Cruz more than the Guinness, bc it’s more like a meal and kinda soaks up the alcohol.

I w have to do croquet three times a week, bc there is no Pétanque this month.

I must double down on not judging people and not worrying.  I’m sure this is the key as to how I recovered from schizoaffective disorder.

The thing w not judging people is there is no way to k how it works until having done it for like years and felt the feeling that it brings.

The funny side of it is that Idc whatever the hell is going on in the world or what people are doing, I guess that’s why they call us baddies.

I suppose that is why young people don’t watch the news and older people are glued to it like their bad people if they don’t pay attention to it or something, like it’s irresponsible.

I do check out the headlines and I’m super happy that Palestine Actions agenda has finally been heard and everyone k the atrocities that are going on in Israel.

I feel it’s a shame that they have been branded as terrorists as I w love to go out and celebrate for Palestine Action’s victory.

This country w probably stop selling arms to Israel as well, as they are being used to kill innocent civilians.

It’s the same thing as in Nazi Germany, where they deemed them to be not worthy of being alive, completely devoid of any worth or value, like vermin or something; and it’s relevant to say that it is the Jews who are doing it.

This is why it says in the Bible not to judge, bc that is where judgement end up.  It’s like a scale.  At one end there’s being pi’ off about something and at the other is genocide.

I feel that as a person lives their life, they judge more and more and end up more on the latter end.  That is why older people tend to be more racist than the young, Idk.

Judging seems to pretty much happen at the end of adolescence, when there is a physiological change in the brain.  It’s literally moving into judgement that triggers this change.

I’m trying to move backwards, into a preadolescent reality.  I have always wanted to move back there since losing it in my twenties due to w I feel w ASBD abuse.

It’s good being able to kick it w younger people.  My psychiatrist w much younger than me and we rly got on.  So many people who are in the roles of helping me are younger people, and it’s so dope to be able to appreciate them as they intend.

And to watch younger people on YouTube, rly appreciating their reality to its fullest.  It is my favourite thing to do.

It also creates sexual health as well, although I still side eye sometimes.

I remember the paradox of how do I not judge people when they are doing me wrong.

It’s just a reality, now I have it, and i want more of it.  It only makes sense when it makes sense.  I just had to have the faith to do it, and now I’m glad I did.

To Not Judging

K