Hey

Bloggy woggy time.

I’m up and attem at midnight; had my morning coffee.

I w thinking about keywords, and maybe I w be better w cheaper keywords.  This may even spit out profitability, out of the Viability Calculator.

I am having beerzies today, w w be nice.

So; things are going well, w lowering my dosage.  For a while there I thought I w lose it for sure; tho I had a couple of days, when it w lowered to 3mg, that felt like I had definitely lost it.

It’s that waking up, feeling like I had just been smothered.  It always signals a relapse; tho it only happened for like a couple of days, and then it w gone.

The guy I spoke to at my support place w super on the ball.  He immediately got me a script for the old dosage, w I w pick up and Monday, after bowling.

I’ll have to walk down there, and Ima try and take the script to my usual pharmacy, bc taking it to the hospital means at least an hour wait.  One person told me that Ima take it anywhere, and the guy at the pharmacy told me that Ima only take it there.

The other guy who told me tho w the Cardiologist, so Ima trust him.

I don’t actually have schizoaffective disorder anymore; so I can’t even think that I have mania, as it is a part of that illness.

I’m so grateful for J’s commandments, healing me like that; and it made me wonder if kids these days have a lot of illnesses bc of the way their parents treat them; like ADHD.  Mine w from abuse.

I feel a lot more confident about being able to make this dosage work, w makes me super happy.  Like I say, it means a whole lot less side effects, one of w is being able to feel my feelings and feel like a real human being.

I w moved by how quick the guy sprung into action to help me; and the support I got from one of my friends, she gave me a hug.

I wanted to badly to just take it, bc of the kindness, tho I had to do w w best for me; and keeping on the dosage and giving it a go w needed, bc otherwise I felt like I w be stuck on it.

I guess it’s a risk, and I have to be cool w that.  And then I remembered that last time I freaked, I went for help and that now I have the ability to do that, w makes me a lot safer, anyways.

I had some squash that had preservatives in.  I don’t feel I should have done that, as they are super toxic.

I am doing well w not judging.  I realise, as I said before, that it is a reality where it is only possible to k how and why it is the right reality, by being in it.

I did it all on faith for five years and now Ik; I feel it.  I feel it inside and don’t rly feel like Ima go back.

It makes me wonder if keeping to this rly could trigger the anti ageing process that all creatures have w|i.

Ik that my brain w have twice the Neurone’s as a normal adult, w could well mean that the anti ageing pathway w get triggered bc that is a state of youth and not normally seen in adults.

It’s just the way the physiology of the brain changes w the difference in reality.

This means that the whole time I have been doing this, fw it, my Neurone’s have been multiplying, allowing me to appreciate this reality.

It’s like when I w young, and I just didn’t even k what racism w.  I w kinda homophobic when it came to the football and seeing them all hugging, tho I feel that it w emotional absence that made me that way not homophobia.

I never connected w anyone except the one I feel w my abuser.  I had friends when I w a kid, tho I lost them when I got kicked out of my job, and that part of me never healed for a long time, till now in fact.

Now I have let people into my life, and my emotions.  I feel empathy bc of the warmth I have been shown, and rly didn’t feel it at that level till then.  It just suddenly hit me, and may have been w kept me from having a relapse this time, as it kinda just quells the anxiety I feel, thinking that people are cold, bc I just feel my empathy and that seems to allow me to cope, and distract me from that feeling

To Taking Risks

The Safest Path In Life Is To Take Risks

K