Ik the Bible, J, said that, to jump for joy when like persecution. I think rly the thing for me to understand, is that, it’s not doing me any harm. Tho J does go on to say not to throw your pearls to swine also.
I’m down Ferry Meadows. It’s a little early. I’m having my second caffeine of the day, Coke Zero, and then afterwards a beer.
It rly came bc I just realised, that, J’s commandments are actually correct. Like not judging has made me in like a different reality where judging is not relevant; and then it hit me, like the vibe of being in that reality and how it w just like being a kid.
I thought, well if that’s correct then the commandments of jump for joy, must also be correct. Like, maybe it can’t do me any harm, being persecuted; and for me that can take the shape of toxic people.
Like, yes, it may upset me for a little while, tho in the long run it levels me up. That in the context of needing to control my anxiety around not having a relapse, it doesn’t rly in the balance of things put me at any risk. In fact, feeling that joy should keep me safe
It’s rly a new one for me, and Idk whether Ima stick to it, tho I intend to try.
I just have more faith now bc of following them for like five, maybe six years, and just feel open to other ones.
I feel hella younger. I watch a lot of young YouTubers and rly resonate w them. I love contemporary psychology, and just the level of respect that is in society nowadays, people rly being mindful of people’s feelings. I love it.
I love this latest generation and am so grateful that they are here. Idek what I w do w|o their videos to watch; or my psychiatrist who just is in that vibe. God bless each new generation. I can’t wait for the next one.
The wasp just came up to me who is always trying to pinch my coke zero. She’s missed it mate. Idk what she w doing for that minute when I w drinking it, tho she disappeared and it’s gone.
I w planning to put my finger on her leg and scare her, like I did last time. That w the only thing that made her leave me alone.
I’ve just opened my beer. Saturdays are good bc I drink here and that saves me a lot.
I’ll have to take my pill a bit later today. I can’t have it creeping earlier and earlier. I’ll have to leave it, even if I feel a little unwell.
Things are going well. I don’t feel like I’m having a relapse, and I have to make sure that I don’t. I guess I’ll be okay bc Ik how to go for help now.
It’s just that my psychiatrist told me that I don’t have schizoaffective disorder to I rly shouldn’t be on it. I’m scared to come off tho bc I believe that it has f me up and f up everyone who is put on it. It’s a black box medication for a reason.
I feel that I should never have been put on it and that it caused my schizoaffective disorder. I just feel that it is evil and kinda has taken me back that the chemistry I studied c do so much devastation to people’s lives, just when they are coming to the system for help.
Maybe this w be one good thing about the generation to come, that they w deal w the horror of this and find another way. I guess it shows that intelligence is not always benevolent.
Things change and that is good, and I just love change.
To Change
K
Miss K 