Hey

I have bowling today; and then Ima go to the hospital to pick up my prescription.  It’s about two in the morning rn

I like that I am able to get up so early.  It means that I’m not sleeping in late, w I rly don’t like.  It’s bc I’m not having too much caffeine, that I’m able to do that.

I’ll do some shopping on my way back, and that w be my day.

I have managed to save this month.  I want to continue to save through next month, tho allow myself a few things; like, I need to buy more food when I go to croquet, bc I am freaking out when I am there.

I need to get the amount of food that I am eating every day, down, bc I am putting on weight again; so Ima not eat rn, and wait till breakfast.

I thought that it w be better if I made sure that I w fed, so that I didn’t have a relapse, tho I’m not happy w the weight gain.

I’m very happy that I’ve not had a relapse, so far.  I w told that I don’t have schizoaffective disorder anymore, so I should be alright, tho I have been feeling kinda, Idk, like scared I w becoming ill.

It’s out of responsibility that I keep myself okay, that I feel uneasy about coming down in medication.  Tbh, I w be happy when I have been okay for a while.

I had to arrange for my prescription to be there when I w ready to pick it up.  This meant that I couldn’t get it for a few days bc they needed notice of me going to get it.

I picked a good time, when it w be convenient.  It w be no trouble to get it.  This w make me happy, that I have enough medication that should I slip, I w be able to go straight to the old dosage.

I realise that it is on me, and that there is no point going for help, bc I have the medication at home and just need to take it.  The buck stops w me, it rly does.

I have previously praised myself, that me being in control of my own life w the best thing that ever happened to me.  I rly am the person who has my back the most and should be in the driving seat.  I made all the right choices

I want to make that call, to get my conversion tracking working for my campaign.  It may mean that I get a good price for my ads.  I am rly excited to give it a try.  I did it before and the cost of my ads dropped dramatically.  I feel that it w all be valuable experience

I don’t rly want to learn from someone else.  I want to figure it out for myself.  I felt this way the whole way down the line.

Ik that I am supported, should I have any problems w my mental health.  The team.. it just feels like they got me.

This is a rl milestone for me.  It’s secure attachment means that I feel that Ima go for people for help.  It spells a big change for me psychologically.  Due to this I also feel loved and so cared for.

It means that my external world has changed.  It has gone from one that I felt c care less about anyone’s needs, to one that feels the opposite.  It feels like a nicer world and makes me feel less depressed.

This is w I am working on atm, my external world.  Through not judging people, I should see w they are rly like, and my world should get more pleasant.

I’ve been having memories of when I w young, and how I used to feel, and I want to go back to that.  I feel Ima get there by not judging and worrying and all the other commandments.  It is right there on my vision board.

I remember all the things on my vision board, and I think they have all come true.

To Dreams

K