I had a nice ride down here.
I’m wondering whether I w apply to SuperDry on Mon; and possibly Next as well.
I have to keep it completely out of my head. That’s how I deal.
I feel like I’m totally out of my mind; tho the more I feel this way, the more I like it. It’s a crazy af reality, where I never worry about anything, just make decisions in the moment.
I, at first, w scared that it w f up my energy and that I wouldn’t be able to do the affiliate marketing anymore. Tho now it has an energy all of its own, and it is drawing me in.
I’ve fw a few people, and I don’t think they are gonna push me into anything I don’t wanna do. Generally they make smalltalk and stay the f away.
I definitely resonate w younger people; and this rly perplexes me. Like, shouldn’t I be fw people my own age.
There w something inside of me, that w telling me that it w be the best way of meeting people; dope people; the fastest route to them. Tho it has an energy, that I feel w lift the business.
Who says a girl can’t do both.
It’s early. I have only just come down from being sh’ scared that I w losing my mind fr, in the worst way possible.
It’s frightening bc I’ve had relapses before. They can even spell death. Don’t wanna be dramatic tho it seems crazy doing it so soon, w is w I like the idea.
I’ve got to convince my psychiatrist to leave me @ 2mg. I’ll have to ring up and just ask. I don’t get to speak tho her, I w have to leave a message. Idk what she w say. I have to keep that out of my head too.
It’s too important to me to dwell on. I think that’s the thing w most things, they’re too close. They seem so frightening that to think about it is just folly. Like why the hell w I think about something that freaks me the f out so bad. I’m not a masochist.
Like I just wanna sit here and drink my Coke. I don’t need that spoiling my vibe. I can’t handle anything serious; at all. I’m so fragile, and my thoughts c rly do a number on me.
I’ve also got to keep the f away from anxiety. My schizoaffective disorder w an anxiety illness. I w so stressed out, that my mind stopped working. All my fears became real, and tortured me.
It’s a long way to come, from being totally out of my mind, to not even having that diagnosis; and like I say, the crazier I feel, the more sane Ik I am.
Like, I honestly feel that to doubt my own sanity is the sanest thing. Like rly it’s arrogant people who have lost it the most. They think that they have it so worked out, and that everyone else is wrong.
It’s rly an act of dehumanization on every other living person. Who the hell do I think I am to think that Ik anything.
I say loudly and proudly, I struggle to k what is right.
To Feeling Crazy
K
Miss K 