Hey

I dreamed I saw Eminem w living in a tiny flat w a broken roof.  I went to see him; and brought him some waterproof trainer covers, a quilt cover, that matched w he had, w seemed to be a synchronicity.

He said we c have dinner out of a dumpster, pizza; if there w two distraction guys, we w always get fed.

I then had to get home, tho it w too late for the bus, it w a Sunday.  I didn’t want to stay bc there w all homeless type guys.

I felt that they had all taken his money, and he had nothing to live on.  I didn’t wanna be famous, bc I felt they w take mine too,

It’s two thirty am.  I’ve had my coffee, and a slice of bread.

I talk to my psychiatrist today; on my way to Beerzies.

I have to do some tidying up at some point, bc I’ve only got less than a week till the girl comes.

My leg is okay, tho I w get the bus and take care of it a little longer; walk slowly.

I thought that I c get a part time job, save the money, and so forex trading; to help my self esteem.  It feels good to be good at something

I originally wanted to do something super grandiose; now it may be my way to support myself.

I needed it for my self esteem, it w rly low.  I felt that the only way Ima have value, is to do something, like I say, super grandiose, and have adulation.

Now I realize that I don’t have to do anything, I have hella value as is.

I also reckon that rich people are more f up than we are, and I would I want to be like them.

Someone told me years ago, that highly educated people are the worst for being alcoholics.  I’ve also heard of them being violent towards women.

I am similar, so I hope that my mental health is fixed now.  I’m crazy intelligent.  It kinda scares me.

I used to analyze everything, w I stopped doing.  I felt that being intelligent wasn’t worth w that w doing to me.

In fact I wanted to lose my high IQ, even tho Idk whether that w possible.

I feel that the smartest thing a person do in life is not be smart tbh.

It w all grandiosity, I feel, coming from an abusive background.  I had to be magnificent or I had no value.  It’s not me anymore, tho I do want to work on a Graphene transistor and a fuel cell.

These are just things that I want to do, authentically for the betterment of the world.

I w not fw manipulative toxic intelligent people.  I w shut them out of my lab and work on it myself w people w w allow me to be chill.  The ends does not justify the means for me.  Empathy is king.

The fear that they w be taking over and crashing it on the rocks by not allowing me to research it my way; taking away all my autonomy, and crippling the creative process.  I w be dead in the water.

Going it alone is key for me.  I feel that all these courses on affiliate marketing; they just want me to do things in a way that I don’t find ethical.  Tho I must put some real social proof on my landing page w he taught me.  It converts; maybe.

I’m finding myself a little too hooked on nicotine.  I don’t like needing a smoke all the time.

I have to be rly careful bc if I smoke too much, I feel like Ima die.

To Intelligence, The Ends Not Justifying The Means

K