Hey

I’m down the pub.  It’s nice to be sat here w a beer.

I spoke w my psychiatrist, this morning.  She’s a new girl.

She, just wants to get me off it; soon.  Like, there’s gonna be another step down in medication in three months; even tho it’s the autumn/winter.

I want to go about looking for part time work tomorrow.  I have an old agency, that I used to do it for.

Croquet is finishing in September anyway.  I don’t see it like losing friends.  I see it like making new ones.

I see it like, me getting on w my life.  I finally get to get my life started; w the self esteem to rly make a good one.

I feel I have a super young mindset; and I feel employers w trust me more bc of it; that I am capable and confident.

I feel a little tipsy already, and I’ve not even got through half.

I feel like my life is going well.  My mindset is on point.

I guess things won’t change that fast; they never do.  The w Ima rely on, is this slow road, of just perpetual improvement.

It is never ceasing and relentless.  Things, for me, just always get better.

Ik I can’t see into the future.  I do k tho, that, if I c have, like eight years ago, I w have been.. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it, how much I have grown as a person, what opportunities I have now, how I have worked on my self esteem, and even healed from schizoaffective disorder.

The world just seems a much nicer place.  I feel like Ima do well in it.

I have lots of friends, and they even complimented me on me being able to focus the way I do.

Like, I say, the medication w be reduced and I w come off it.  My life has changed.  Following J’s commandments has been life changing.

I believe that life is mindset, mindset, mindset.

So, yes, I’m starting again.  Tho I have a lot to work w.  I rly just want to follow J’s commandments and see where it takes me.  I’m kinda stuck on them.

Not judging has changed me as a person and I like w I see.  I just want to do it more, and see w reality I end up in.

I am badly shocked as to how it has improved my reality; and I’m so grateful to have learned this.

I just wanted to get the reality that I had w I w a kid; and I’m now more sort of in that realm.  I want more of it, it’s addictive af.

I honestly feel that it w take me back to that reality in full, and I can’t wait.  I just remember, even through w I feel w abuse, that it just had something so special and worth working towards.

It’s not even so much the thought of eternal life anymore, it’s just wanting to be that person again.

Maybe if I do this, Ima show other people that it works, and that it does w it says on the tin; and that if they want to have the reality that they had when they were younger, this is totally possible.

Idek who these writings are aimed at.  Maybe Ima stop teenagers from losing it and becoming adults, and staying in that teenage reality all their lives.  I just feel that all this has so much potential.

I also k that my future w be better than I c have imagined it.  It’s bc it’s like an improvement on youth.  It is youth, tho w confidence as well.  It’s like youth 2.0.

It blows the f out of my mind, like I had sat on a detonated nuclear weapon, that it c actually be better than the reality as Ik it, in the old day.

And old is a funny word to use.  Like there’s nothing old about it

To The New Old Days

K