Hey

It’s like two thirty am, and I’m having my coffee.

I have done quite a bit of walking, and I haven’t hurt my leg.  I guess it’s okay as long as I go slow.  It w take me a little longer to get into Town.

It’s beer day Today; I have one down Ferry Meadows.  I w write my blog also.  I’ve been doing it twice a day lately.

Not thinking, has been just the thing to reduce my anxiety.  I have no fear that Ima have a relapse, as long as I keep doing it.

I still have anxiety attacks when I am out; tho these are turning interesting.

I thought the bus driver called me a chicken; and then these n’a guys were saying stuff about how they w deal w  a racist;  it w not pretty; and I thought they were gonna do bad things to me

I held it together.  I felt it w a big conspiracy of hate.  Tho, when I got off the bus he said, lovely; and in that moment Ik that he had only love for me.

Then I w like getting these comments like calling me, hot.  I felt so respected and valued, that it has rly stayed w me.

People seem to value me so much, that they make these comments to me or for me.  Like, both the bus driver and the n’as, telling me their story.

That’s the challenging part of it.  I’ve spend much time, feeling like people were saying stuff, when just they had to say stuff in front of me, bc they felt my energy and felt the need to speak.

I guess I now get the dirt on w makes people tick, what they’re dealing w atm.

I hope I get a job soon; tho, Ima have to get something sorted, so that Ima iron my clothes.

Idk what I’ll be wearing.  If I’m a receptionist, I’ll be just wearing a Nike t shirt, w a suit jacket.  If in a shop, then I’ll have like t shirts that I’ll have to iron.

I’d prefer to be a receptionist, just from the standpoint, of I’ll be able to wear something that makes me feel good.  How I express myself w clothes is rly important and I don’t like when people choose my clothes for me.

I kinda feel that it takes away my authenticity, and I just become a number.

I could just pay for them to be dry cleaned.

I don’t like representing someone else’s brand.  My brand w always be more important to me than theirs, and I don’t like it looking like it’s the other way around.

I have brands that are super important to me, like Nike and TheNorthFace, tho.

I have no idea how much money I w have.  It it’s fifteen hours a week or less, I w have hella money; w w be dope af.

I think that’s probably how it works; that bc I never tried to push for those hours, I w probably end up w them.

If the hours are more, I should just about have enough to live on.  I have learned to live on very little and this should help me a lot.  I spend less on food, than I did when I w at Uni.

I’m a bit perplexed as to why people want to work their assess off.  People seem to trade away their whole lives just for adulation.  To me, it’s not worth it.

I get that it stops people from thinking bc they are too busy, and that part of it makes sense to me.  Tho to neglect social connection is not healthy.

I feel that having my own business is the way to go.  Ima just do a few hours a week, and have some time for people.

Maybe I’ve got it wrong, tho I’m scared of being used.

Customer Service w something that I found rly hard.  I w always feel uncomfortable around them, and it took years for this to go away.  It’s a skill that requires the pay that it deserves, just like this thing w Next employees taking them to court for the three pound an hour that the warehouse workers got more than them.  This is good news for me.

To Balance

K