Hey

I’m trying to not worry.  I have worries coming up, that I am not thinking about.

I’ve just had chilli.

I swung past the supermarket, and picked myself up like an onion; then I w asking myself w other things I need for chilli.  When I got home I quickly knocked one up.  It tasted great.

I’m managing to stay present a lot, when out w clubs, w is nice bc it keeps the anxiety away.

I hear my neighbors shouting.  They’ve been at it for four days now.  I wonder if it’s affecting my mental health.  It seems harder to keep worry and judgment out of my mind atm.  I didn’t feel well rested when I woke up this morning.

Ik that J’s commandments are taking me closer and close to the reality I want to be in; and Ik that that is actually the reality that the people I wanna be like.. that is the reality that they are in.

That validates me when it comes to not worrying and judging, bc Ik that they stay present a hell of a lot.  Idk.  Ik that there just is no need; that a healthy mind does not do this.  It’s unnecessary.

It’s like giving me permission to follow J’s commandments, knowing that they are actually super healthy.

It w the same w empathy.  I needed to give myself permission to not give myself a hard time over stuff.  It w only when I had the bandwidth to allow myself this, that things rly changed.

And that is the point that I am at now w worrying and judging.  I kept the toxins out of my mind enough to realize that reality came through loud and clear when I w watching Netflix; and Ik that that is so bc they are using their minds in a similar way as well.

I w like, oh, they think like me; and then I gave myself permission.  Not worrying and judging has been easier since; taking into consideration that I may be a little traumatized by my neighbors atm.

Well.. if it’s persecution then it is a good thing.  It takes me closer and closer, to just Idk.  Like I w be a lot better off if I realized that I am not in like youth reality atm, Idk, it’s kinda lie, bc I love people; tho I don’t feel that I have the number of Neurons as a teenager rn; I’m slightly under that.

I think there’s gonna be door slamming again.  He just threw something.  I feel exhausted w all this.  There’s this fear that they w just carry on and never stop and it w be unbearable.

He just threw something again.

I feel that she has ASBD, and he is a sociopath.

Something has been thrown again, something very heavy.

Ima be honest, this is hard to deal w or unpleasant.  The police may have to be called again.  This happens every now and again.

So I just called the police.  I feel that in about an hour, things are gonna turn very bad.  Ik the pattern, I’ve been living here for a long time.  G this is f stressful.  I may have to call 999 before they get here.  It’s absolutely savage

I’m rly stressed out rn.

They’ll like do it for four days like this, and then all hell w break loose; and normally I w call them, when he is being super nasty.

I’m scared that they w come, and they won’t calm down, and then I still have to call the emergency number.  There’s nothing worse than having to call them.  Bc the worst things w be going on down there and I w be freaking the f out.

I’m literally sitting here, waiting for the worst to happen, it won’t be long, until it escalates to that point; at least it w be over soon.

I just called em again.  I heard her grab something sharp.

A Bit Later

Idk.  They came.  Nice Hat, Regulation Shoes; think he’s seen me about.  He’s on till twelve.  There’s no sharp thingy in there.  All has calmed down, so good result.

To The Police

K